My problem is I take it personally. I internalize and take all of the kids' bad behavior as a reflection of my failed parenting. It drives me crazy. Although I know they have issues, we are doing the BEST we can, and it will not be an overnight fix.. I still despair.
Two phone calls from school this week. One from principal, one from teacher. Check forgery (he tried to make his own check; scary, brilliant, gutsy), theft from a classmate, lying, stealing, wandering off... the list goes on. Unfortunately I can see him being suspended in the immediate future.
We saw his prescribing Dr. this week and made a lot of changes. Instead of Vyvanse and Celexa, we now have a 4 med regimen. Concerta, celexa, tenex, remeron.
Day one went not so well, both me and Matthew had to go get him from school.
I took him to the Fort Oglethorpe police department, hoping they would 'talk' to him as an authoritative figure. Nope. The officer was nice, but explained they don't 'scare' kids anymore. But, he himself had also adopted 3 boys from DFACS and his advice was to tell me that I was well within my rights in the state of Georgia to invest in a leather belt.
The book I ordered on the 10 Commandments came in yesterday.. just in time! Matthew and I read it to the kids before bed. It is written to relate to their age group, and I thought for certain they were getting at least some surface information from it. The plan is to read it every night.
Matthew worked hard to get Jacob back into his room last night, because if he was going to sleep in our room and still sneak a DS (which he had to have gotten way up in the living room closet for) and manage to play it under the covers in the same room as us.. then our entire purpose of him being in close proximity to us is moot.
So, Matthew took Jacob's room down to a mattress, sheet, pillow, blanket. Set the motion alarm in the hallway, and we went to bed.
Woke up this morning and Laptop was half under Jacob's mattress, and Matthew's small ipod was missing. After all of the disciplining and speeches and moralizing we had done, he couldn't give a flip. He couldn't even go a few hours making good decisions. We're baffled. The first night the remeron knocked him out.. apparently last night it did nothing. Matthew guesses the motion alarm wasn't set properly.
He finally told us the location of the small ipod, and when Matthew turned it on it had several games on it. This is one of those old ipods that is like 2'' x 4'' with a small color screen. (not the Ipod touch that Jacob flushed this weekend)
We didnt even know you could get games on that old device.
Matthew is home today and so is Jacob. Matthew had already signed up for Adoration at church, so taking Jacob can only be a blessing.
So that is my rant for this week. Tonight is tennis lessons. I'm exhausted.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
Struggles and Balances
My blogging friends who battle their children suffering with a wide range of both genetic and trauma induced behavioral issues can understand. Most people cannot.
My kids can go from little angels to absolute confusion in lightening speed. Their ability to coerce, manipulate, lie, and confound us has us reeling and speechless even after over 2 years of parenting them, accompanying them to therapists, psychiatrists, reading books, and leaning on each other. They still have the upper hand, the shock, the ability to knock us down on our butts and realize we have accomplished nothing. We may have even regressed. All our efforts have been only to comfort ourselves, and have not changed, modified, nor even remotely begun to make our children think any differently about their behvioral choices.
I could go into specifics. We had a weekend of much the same bad behavior, just repeatedly. We would have emotions, hugs, moments where we might have even given ourselves the glimmer of sincerity in their eyes. Then it goes away. Just like that.
It has spilled now into Jacob's school life. Not good. Next Dr. appt we will have to try a different medication.
So, we stare at ourselves alot. We scratch our heads and say, "what's next" "what now" "what can we possibly do to correct it".
We rationalize, we give dumbed-down speeches on the greatness of good citizenship and character and morality and religion. I've got some books ordered to help in those areas ( I hope ).
We say to ourselves "they dont think"... they will do something that 5 minutes ago just got them into trouble. Even the dog has better judgement than that. It's frustrating. We've spanked, we've touched toes, we've had noses on walls, books held out on hands, faces in corners, sitting on beds, running around the outside of the house, sentences...
We improve in one area, and the scales tilt, the pendulum swings, and we go back into having to deal with issues we thought we had already finished and moved on from.
Lent begins this week and I am giving up facebook, possibly blogging only once a week (as I do now). I need more time to focus on my family, to weed out the distractions of people who do not lift me up, who do not support my family and lend us strength. I am going to make sure I get back to spending my free time where it is needed and deserved, with Matthew and the kids.
My kids can go from little angels to absolute confusion in lightening speed. Their ability to coerce, manipulate, lie, and confound us has us reeling and speechless even after over 2 years of parenting them, accompanying them to therapists, psychiatrists, reading books, and leaning on each other. They still have the upper hand, the shock, the ability to knock us down on our butts and realize we have accomplished nothing. We may have even regressed. All our efforts have been only to comfort ourselves, and have not changed, modified, nor even remotely begun to make our children think any differently about their behvioral choices.
I could go into specifics. We had a weekend of much the same bad behavior, just repeatedly. We would have emotions, hugs, moments where we might have even given ourselves the glimmer of sincerity in their eyes. Then it goes away. Just like that.
It has spilled now into Jacob's school life. Not good. Next Dr. appt we will have to try a different medication.
So, we stare at ourselves alot. We scratch our heads and say, "what's next" "what now" "what can we possibly do to correct it".
We rationalize, we give dumbed-down speeches on the greatness of good citizenship and character and morality and religion. I've got some books ordered to help in those areas ( I hope ).
We say to ourselves "they dont think"... they will do something that 5 minutes ago just got them into trouble. Even the dog has better judgement than that. It's frustrating. We've spanked, we've touched toes, we've had noses on walls, books held out on hands, faces in corners, sitting on beds, running around the outside of the house, sentences...
We improve in one area, and the scales tilt, the pendulum swings, and we go back into having to deal with issues we thought we had already finished and moved on from.
Lent begins this week and I am giving up facebook, possibly blogging only once a week (as I do now). I need more time to focus on my family, to weed out the distractions of people who do not lift me up, who do not support my family and lend us strength. I am going to make sure I get back to spending my free time where it is needed and deserved, with Matthew and the kids.
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