Day of the basketcase and biological war

I slept until 3. That was good, I think.
Aggie barked and woke me up, prompting a pee-run.
Managed to get back to sleep at some point, woke up grouchily and showered.

Jacob 'spit up' into his bowl of Cheerios. See, his therapy appointment the day before was disastrous. He shut down and admitted to the therapist he was no longer listening or participating in the conversation.. rather rudely.
When he gets in his funk of bad behavior, everything becomes a trigger.
Saturday he intentionally pooped on himself while we were out, having to divert back home and get him his second shower of the day 'because he wanted to'.
So, we were discussing that with the therapist. It was an inclusive appointment and Tabitha and myself were in the room, although not participating in the discussion between Jacob and his doctor.
At one point Tabby gets the magnadoodle off his toy shelf and scrawls the message "don't poop on yourself!!!" and shows Jacob. Ugh.
The therapist was unhappy about it, then finally Jacob acknowledged his behavior was 'not cool' and deserving punishment. We had taken his TV plug cord away for a week. Fair, we all agreed.
So this morning he was coming off of that and his 'spit up' he was calling 'throw up' was sending me all sorts of red flag warnings about it being just another of countless instances where he uses his bodily functions to control the situation.
When I confronted him on this, guess what... he did a full fledged stomach emptying vomit to prove me wrong.
Except I know he can do this on command, and when faced with staying home with me he recanted and said he was, in fact, fine. He wanted so desperately to go to the sitter. No fever, no bellyache... just pure biological manipulation.
I had an eye appointment first thing, so I dropped Tabitha off with the sitter and dragged Jacob on my morning errand.
The infected thing residing in my eyelid will require a salve, and a course of pills. As the doctor is explaining this to me she warns that the pills CAN NOT be taken if pregnant and advised me to make 100% sure I wasn't before getting them filled.
Damn.
She had no clue about my emotional trauma that is fertility. It wasn't her fault. But I did become a basketcase as soon as I left her building. Internally, of course, to Jacob I was just his boring Mom driving him around town when he'd much rather be with the sitter.
Because no matter how much I didn't show it, the idea of having to buy a pregnancy test is completely harrowing to me. Back when we were actively trying I carried them around with me, lol. But very soon after getting married and having the exploratory surgery and the doctor telling me there was a 'snowballs chance in Hades' chance, you grieve and move on.
I have been taking birth control pills for a few years because that is the only way with the PCOS, endometriosis, and endosalpingiosis I could ever regulate my periods.
Still, when you ONLY have that 0.00000001% chance and you believe in the Lord's Will, you can't just ignore the doctor's words. So, I sucked it up and bought a box of pee-sticks. They were out of the single packs so I had to buy the 3 pack.. I wonder if I can donate the other two to charity, LOL.
Even admitting there is a 0.00000001% chance made me reel. I had already promised to God my baby saint names before beginning the test. That's how awfully consuming the emotion becomes.
Sorrowfully, and utterly predictably, it was negative. It had been so long since I had to even live through that type of anticipation that my heart hurt.
So, after freaking out over that, I headed to KIA to get the car fixed. Turns out the cd player that went kapooie is 3k miles out of warranty. Really?! Yeah, no one told us our 60k mile warranty didn't exactly cover everything. Hmmph. Another bump. Got car washed and vacuumed, then I got a little sick to my stomach and headed home, hoping to go to work later in the day.
Once home I finished up watching Pillars of the Earth (fantastic), and had to cleanup another biological mess. The new dog had yet another seizure and it was BAD. Poop, pee, slobber, and 'glandular spray'. Ugh.
I picked up the kiddos and headed to CVS, where my prescription had not been filled yet, even though they had received it around 6 hours prior. Double damn.
Came home and watched TV and settled with Matthew on Long John's Family Chicken pack.
Tabitha is not listening to any of our words tonight and acting whiny... but that's pretty normal after Jacob gets negative attention, it becomes her turn.

The Pain

Psychiatrist trying me on two new meds for anxiety, temper, shakes, agitation, and associated pain.
Twice daily and they are knocking me out. I can go 1/2 on one, and I think I will have to. I am encouraged though, getting rid of the old meds which were giving me shakes and bone pain.. which was nothing to mess around with.

2 Down

Jacob has been so excited that his second lower tooth was coming loose. He was always wanting us to look at it. But when it came time to eat, he just wasn't eating his food. It hurt him and he was scared to eat anything he couldn't bite off using his 'side' teeth. So, finally last night after chowing on pancakes at IHOP he relented and let Matthew pull it. It was so ready to come out I think the experience was a little icky for both of them, but, being boys they 'took care of it'. He looks super cute with no bottom front teeth, and I will post pics later today.
He is a huge night-sweater. He can literally go to sleep in the pullups only and still wake up in a Jacob-sized wet spot on his sheets and pillow. ick.I steamed his mattress and Matthew washed his sheets and pillows, so he got to sleep in Tabby's room last night.
Not having the best results from the primary sleeping medicine, I chose last night to try the secondary. I took one primary and one secondary at the same time. I slept so good I don't think I woke up once. In fact, I'm sure of it because of what we found this morning...
Our dear, sweet, lovable, and quite crazy dog has been giving us a fit over being in her crate. We blame Christmas break for ruining her routine. We bought a pretty pricey no-bark system that didn't work, and I just refuse to put a shock collar on a dog for barking. So, we've been letting her 'bark it out' at night before we can go to sleep.
Last night we heard a loud crash, but we both commented how she must have knocked down the empty garbage can that was on top of her crate.
This morning I'm woke up by Aggie jumping on the bed and laying her huge self against me. Matthew said he woke up and opened the door to go change over the laundry and there she was, laying on the couch. The sound we heard was the entire back wall of her jumbo metal crate falling off. and that was right as we were going to sleep! She spent all night out. And no messes, just a devoured cat food bowl and a pencil and McDonald's toy chewed on from Jacob's room.
Matthew fixed her crate this morning and she protested, again. She is over a year old now and I think she is trying to show us how big she is.. and 'how fair is it that the cats get to roam around all day and night?' LOL
;/

For the Love of Other Drugs

I tried my new nighttime prescription last night. I waited to get tired, and when I did feel like I could lay down without hurting enough to keep me awake.. the dog began whining and barking. It was unusual.
Normally Aggie and I maintain an evening routine where everyone else goes to bed and we lay on the couch and watch TV, blog, or play Scrabble on the Ipod. She is my buddy, laying next to me, relaxing, and passing gas, haha.
So last night was normal. Everyone went to bed, I stayed up with the dog waiting on the pills to hit me. When it was time to put her in her crate she went willingly.
I'm not sure what happened from that point. I was in bed 20 minuted fighting off sleep because she kept yelping. Finally I got up, put her harness on her and let her out on the chain in the front yard. She came back asking to get in, and I went to bed again. Didn't help the situation.
She continued to whimper and whine/bark for another 20 minutes. By that time it was WAY past the time where I could take the secondary sleep prescription, so I did my best to go to sleep when she finally stopped.
I cannot wait until we get that fence. I am too afraid to take her out on my own right now, and she just doesn't get wore out from chasing her squeak toy in the house.

A New Hope

Went to the new doctors for Jacob today. The first appointment was for the medical doctor. We discussed his issues and she prescribed an anti-depressant, a sleep aid, and beefed up his adhd meds. Tomorrow we will begin the new medicine routine.
I was so proud of Jacob. He spoke up and answered all of the doctors questions, even the tough ones, and only had to look over to me twice. He told her how he was having problems with stealing and sneaking, and not sleeping, and going to the potty on himself.They had a good discussion and I only had to answer a few questions about his medicine from the last 2 years.
Then we met Matthew for dinner at Arby's then onto the health center again for his psychiatrist appointment. It was short, he talked to Jacob about rules. They also had a good discussion with only minimal input from me about the past week. Jacob really seemed to respond.
I am having hope that this might be the right choice for us. Although the health center is kind of scary. We were sitting in the waiting room and one man came in all wobbly legged and said he couldn't find his jacket. There were about five people in the waiting room and one lady pointed to a jacket on an empty chair and he walked over to it and declared that "he wasn't sure if it was his or not". yeah. community health clinics can be harrowing.
;-]