Jacob has been traumatized. The storms. He has been emotionally tied to weather patterns. Every raindrop, grey cloud, or sound of thunder sends him into a fit of questions and panic.
Today when I picked him up he stated "I've been watching the weather channel and the wildfires in Arizona may lead to blackouts in Texas"... showing me he was even anxious about our upcoming trip to OK and TX.
His classmate who was hurt so badly during the tornadoes is having a homecoming party Saturday so we went to the toy store to find a gift. He also saw a segment on him while watching the weather channel. Jacob was not very involved in picking the toy out, but I know he was listening to every word between us and the staff at Learning Express.
He's been obsessing over seeing his classmate, even begging to go see him in the hospital.
On the drive home he tells me he had said a prayer to God that 2011 will stop being so terrifying.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Day of the basketcase and biological war
I slept until 3. That was good, I think.
Aggie barked and woke me up, prompting a pee-run.
Managed to get back to sleep at some point, woke up grouchily and showered.
Jacob 'spit up' into his bowl of Cheerios. See, his therapy appointment the day before was disastrous. He shut down and admitted to the therapist he was no longer listening or participating in the conversation.. rather rudely.
When he gets in his funk of bad behavior, everything becomes a trigger.
Saturday he intentionally pooped on himself while we were out, having to divert back home and get him his second shower of the day 'because he wanted to'.
So, we were discussing that with the therapist. It was an inclusive appointment and Tabitha and myself were in the room, although not participating in the discussion between Jacob and his doctor.
At one point Tabby gets the magnadoodle off his toy shelf and scrawls the message "don't poop on yourself!!!" and shows Jacob. Ugh.
The therapist was unhappy about it, then finally Jacob acknowledged his behavior was 'not cool' and deserving punishment. We had taken his TV plug cord away for a week. Fair, we all agreed.
So this morning he was coming off of that and his 'spit up' he was calling 'throw up' was sending me all sorts of red flag warnings about it being just another of countless instances where he uses his bodily functions to control the situation.
When I confronted him on this, guess what... he did a full fledged stomach emptying vomit to prove me wrong.
Except I know he can do this on command, and when faced with staying home with me he recanted and said he was, in fact, fine. He wanted so desperately to go to the sitter. No fever, no bellyache... just pure biological manipulation.
I had an eye appointment first thing, so I dropped Tabitha off with the sitter and dragged Jacob on my morning errand.
The infected thing residing in my eyelid will require a salve, and a course of pills. As the doctor is explaining this to me she warns that the pills CAN NOT be taken if pregnant and advised me to make 100% sure I wasn't before getting them filled.
Damn.
She had no clue about my emotional trauma that is fertility. It wasn't her fault. But I did become a basketcase as soon as I left her building. Internally, of course, to Jacob I was just his boring Mom driving him around town when he'd much rather be with the sitter.
Because no matter how much I didn't show it, the idea of having to buy a pregnancy test is completely harrowing to me. Back when we were actively trying I carried them around with me, lol. But very soon after getting married and having the exploratory surgery and the doctor telling me there was a 'snowballs chance in Hades' chance, you grieve and move on.
I have been taking birth control pills for a few years because that is the only way with the PCOS, endometriosis, and endosalpingiosis I could ever regulate my periods.
Still, when you ONLY have that 0.00000001% chance and you believe in the Lord's Will, you can't just ignore the doctor's words. So, I sucked it up and bought a box of pee-sticks. They were out of the single packs so I had to buy the 3 pack.. I wonder if I can donate the other two to charity, LOL.
Even admitting there is a 0.00000001% chance made me reel. I had already promised to God my baby saint names before beginning the test. That's how awfully consuming the emotion becomes.
Sorrowfully, and utterly predictably, it was negative. It had been so long since I had to even live through that type of anticipation that my heart hurt.
So, after freaking out over that, I headed to KIA to get the car fixed. Turns out the cd player that went kapooie is 3k miles out of warranty. Really?! Yeah, no one told us our 60k mile warranty didn't exactly cover everything. Hmmph. Another bump. Got car washed and vacuumed, then I got a little sick to my stomach and headed home, hoping to go to work later in the day.
Once home I finished up watching Pillars of the Earth (fantastic), and had to cleanup another biological mess. The new dog had yet another seizure and it was BAD. Poop, pee, slobber, and 'glandular spray'. Ugh.
I picked up the kiddos and headed to CVS, where my prescription had not been filled yet, even though they had received it around 6 hours prior. Double damn.
Came home and watched TV and settled with Matthew on Long John's Family Chicken pack.
Tabitha is not listening to any of our words tonight and acting whiny... but that's pretty normal after Jacob gets negative attention, it becomes her turn.
Aggie barked and woke me up, prompting a pee-run.
Managed to get back to sleep at some point, woke up grouchily and showered.
Jacob 'spit up' into his bowl of Cheerios. See, his therapy appointment the day before was disastrous. He shut down and admitted to the therapist he was no longer listening or participating in the conversation.. rather rudely.
When he gets in his funk of bad behavior, everything becomes a trigger.
Saturday he intentionally pooped on himself while we were out, having to divert back home and get him his second shower of the day 'because he wanted to'.
So, we were discussing that with the therapist. It was an inclusive appointment and Tabitha and myself were in the room, although not participating in the discussion between Jacob and his doctor.
At one point Tabby gets the magnadoodle off his toy shelf and scrawls the message "don't poop on yourself!!!" and shows Jacob. Ugh.
The therapist was unhappy about it, then finally Jacob acknowledged his behavior was 'not cool' and deserving punishment. We had taken his TV plug cord away for a week. Fair, we all agreed.
So this morning he was coming off of that and his 'spit up' he was calling 'throw up' was sending me all sorts of red flag warnings about it being just another of countless instances where he uses his bodily functions to control the situation.
When I confronted him on this, guess what... he did a full fledged stomach emptying vomit to prove me wrong.
Except I know he can do this on command, and when faced with staying home with me he recanted and said he was, in fact, fine. He wanted so desperately to go to the sitter. No fever, no bellyache... just pure biological manipulation.
I had an eye appointment first thing, so I dropped Tabitha off with the sitter and dragged Jacob on my morning errand.
The infected thing residing in my eyelid will require a salve, and a course of pills. As the doctor is explaining this to me she warns that the pills CAN NOT be taken if pregnant and advised me to make 100% sure I wasn't before getting them filled.
Damn.
She had no clue about my emotional trauma that is fertility. It wasn't her fault. But I did become a basketcase as soon as I left her building. Internally, of course, to Jacob I was just his boring Mom driving him around town when he'd much rather be with the sitter.
Because no matter how much I didn't show it, the idea of having to buy a pregnancy test is completely harrowing to me. Back when we were actively trying I carried them around with me, lol. But very soon after getting married and having the exploratory surgery and the doctor telling me there was a 'snowballs chance in Hades' chance, you grieve and move on.
I have been taking birth control pills for a few years because that is the only way with the PCOS, endometriosis, and endosalpingiosis I could ever regulate my periods.
Still, when you ONLY have that 0.00000001% chance and you believe in the Lord's Will, you can't just ignore the doctor's words. So, I sucked it up and bought a box of pee-sticks. They were out of the single packs so I had to buy the 3 pack.. I wonder if I can donate the other two to charity, LOL.
Even admitting there is a 0.00000001% chance made me reel. I had already promised to God my baby saint names before beginning the test. That's how awfully consuming the emotion becomes.
Sorrowfully, and utterly predictably, it was negative. It had been so long since I had to even live through that type of anticipation that my heart hurt.
So, after freaking out over that, I headed to KIA to get the car fixed. Turns out the cd player that went kapooie is 3k miles out of warranty. Really?! Yeah, no one told us our 60k mile warranty didn't exactly cover everything. Hmmph. Another bump. Got car washed and vacuumed, then I got a little sick to my stomach and headed home, hoping to go to work later in the day.
Once home I finished up watching Pillars of the Earth (fantastic), and had to cleanup another biological mess. The new dog had yet another seizure and it was BAD. Poop, pee, slobber, and 'glandular spray'. Ugh.
I picked up the kiddos and headed to CVS, where my prescription had not been filled yet, even though they had received it around 6 hours prior. Double damn.
Came home and watched TV and settled with Matthew on Long John's Family Chicken pack.
Tabitha is not listening to any of our words tonight and acting whiny... but that's pretty normal after Jacob gets negative attention, it becomes her turn.
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