Friday, December 30, 2011
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Saturday, December 24, 2011
The reason for the season
Note to self: Christmas isn't about presents.
I've waffled with this for three years now, more importantly though within the last two. Nice vs. Naughty is so subjective.. because my kiddos are at both ends of that spectrum each day/week!
We tried this year to shift the focus on Christian Charity, but still the materialism and cultural conformity beckons. Next year I will remember how chaotic this year went (and I am writing this on Christmas Eve!).
SO, I promise myself to do more to instill the goodness of Jesus' birth and the importance of a savior born vulnerable and low, because that is the whole point... commercialization or not!
I promise to buy the gifts I choose and give them out slowly, possibly even one at a time, to take into account my kiddos' inability to process too much at once. I will remember the sneakiness and lies I woke up to this morning, and how in better understanding of their needs, we will have to think even more 'out of the box' with Christmastime sensory overload.
Slow, deliberate, well thought out actions are the only way to go... not that I have much assurance things will be better, but I will at least have the thought that I had thought it out more thoughtfully. :-)
On another note, Christmas Eve Mass tonight was beautiful! We went to the 5:30 and the homily was very poignant (although Matthew said from where he sat further down the pew he got a little sleepy)and really made me think. One of the things he challenged us to do was examine what influences we had/have that make us faithful. Who instilled in us the values, morals, ethics, even the impetus to come to a church service. Jacob has recently been asking the difference in people who attend 'church' vs. those like us who attend 'Mass'. I am glad he is asking questions. Although it is not the differences that need to be taught, but the likenesses.
I hope that we can impart on our kiddos the same important lessons we've learned from our own parents. Read, search, find, study, worship.
I've waffled with this for three years now, more importantly though within the last two. Nice vs. Naughty is so subjective.. because my kiddos are at both ends of that spectrum each day/week!
We tried this year to shift the focus on Christian Charity, but still the materialism and cultural conformity beckons. Next year I will remember how chaotic this year went (and I am writing this on Christmas Eve!).
SO, I promise myself to do more to instill the goodness of Jesus' birth and the importance of a savior born vulnerable and low, because that is the whole point... commercialization or not!
I promise to buy the gifts I choose and give them out slowly, possibly even one at a time, to take into account my kiddos' inability to process too much at once. I will remember the sneakiness and lies I woke up to this morning, and how in better understanding of their needs, we will have to think even more 'out of the box' with Christmastime sensory overload.
Slow, deliberate, well thought out actions are the only way to go... not that I have much assurance things will be better, but I will at least have the thought that I had thought it out more thoughtfully. :-)
On another note, Christmas Eve Mass tonight was beautiful! We went to the 5:30 and the homily was very poignant (although Matthew said from where he sat further down the pew he got a little sleepy)and really made me think. One of the things he challenged us to do was examine what influences we had/have that make us faithful. Who instilled in us the values, morals, ethics, even the impetus to come to a church service. Jacob has recently been asking the difference in people who attend 'church' vs. those like us who attend 'Mass'. I am glad he is asking questions. Although it is not the differences that need to be taught, but the likenesses.
I hope that we can impart on our kiddos the same important lessons we've learned from our own parents. Read, search, find, study, worship.
Words of Wisdom
found a great quote (not by me!)
It helps me to remember that for most people with no personal experience with traumatized or mentally ill children, its just easier to believe the adults are the ones with the problem. Not that we are perfect or don't need to change/grow as well. But I think as a society we want to believe that all kids given love and stability will adapt and do great. It is horrifying to even face the fact of the trauma, abuse, neglect and suffering so many children around the world face. To face the reality of what that can do to a child and then try to find effective solutions is overwhelming.
It helps me to remember that for most people with no personal experience with traumatized or mentally ill children, its just easier to believe the adults are the ones with the problem. Not that we are perfect or don't need to change/grow as well. But I think as a society we want to believe that all kids given love and stability will adapt and do great. It is horrifying to even face the fact of the trauma, abuse, neglect and suffering so many children around the world face. To face the reality of what that can do to a child and then try to find effective solutions is overwhelming.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
December 2011
So much to say! Well, we finished up shopping for the foster kiddos we were sponsoring Christmas for and had the gifts delivered on Dec 1st. I went and picked up the kids from school early so they could help deliver them. Since the April tornadoes, DFCS has moved from Ringgold to Fort Oglethorpe, so taking the kids was less traumatic than it might have been since they always got antsy going to the old location.
I have bought Tabitha a Alvin and the Chipmunks karaoke machine, and other than the stocking that is what she is getting from 'Santa'. She has been improving in her attitude and behavior, although since my kids are like certain laws of motion, with every improvement with one, the other has an 'equal but opposite' reaction.
So, Jacob has been moody, seeing us praising Tabitha and her eagerness to help out and be in good spirits and he has declined in his efforts. Literally just tonight I am rewashing clothes and clorox wiping out the clothes dryer because his heavily soiled underwear were added to the laundry.. creating a mess and emptying out my only tide pen. Alas, they have perfected this cycle of good vs. bad kid and even the therapist is trying hard to thump it into their minds that they can BOTH be good at the SAME time.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
The Gift of Giving
Christmas. For us as well as other families in the world this is both a blessing and a curse. Our children do not handle it well. Most children (the RAD crown likes to refer to them as 'neuro-typical, or 'normally-adjusted') also have issues with the me-me-me paradox of the season.
We try to instill the religiousness and the meaning of blessings coming from love, but children are short-sighted.
Our children, however are not able to see the 'big picture'. They want the toys, the glitz, the quantity, like there is a race to be won with merchandising and commercial gluttony.
This year, however, I really want them to make a memory, and possibly even create a tradition they can take with them into their adulthood. We received our lists from DFCS of a boy and a girl, foster kiddos, and all of their sizes and wishes for Christmas.
I cannot say that I am not afraid, after all we are responsible now for two kiddos who need a good Christmas just to feel 'normal' in a society that sometimes forgets about their needs. So, me and my kiddos will be shopping together for them, picking out toys for them, giving love and care to toys we will not have the satisfaction to see enjoyed on Christmas morning.
I pray and hope for my own kids to see the beauty and blessing in sharing.
Friday morning, while Matthew had the day off and we enjoyed getting out together while the kiddos were at school, we went to morning Mass at OLPH. It was his first opportunity to go there at the same time all of the students from the school attended Mass, and the homily was about seeing Jesus in your neighbors, and all those you come across in this life.
I hope Jacob and Tabitha learn to see Jesus in this.
We try to instill the religiousness and the meaning of blessings coming from love, but children are short-sighted.
Our children, however are not able to see the 'big picture'. They want the toys, the glitz, the quantity, like there is a race to be won with merchandising and commercial gluttony.
This year, however, I really want them to make a memory, and possibly even create a tradition they can take with them into their adulthood. We received our lists from DFCS of a boy and a girl, foster kiddos, and all of their sizes and wishes for Christmas.
I cannot say that I am not afraid, after all we are responsible now for two kiddos who need a good Christmas just to feel 'normal' in a society that sometimes forgets about their needs. So, me and my kiddos will be shopping together for them, picking out toys for them, giving love and care to toys we will not have the satisfaction to see enjoyed on Christmas morning.
I pray and hope for my own kids to see the beauty and blessing in sharing.
Friday morning, while Matthew had the day off and we enjoyed getting out together while the kiddos were at school, we went to morning Mass at OLPH. It was his first opportunity to go there at the same time all of the students from the school attended Mass, and the homily was about seeing Jesus in your neighbors, and all those you come across in this life.
I hope Jacob and Tabitha learn to see Jesus in this.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Monday Dismay
Last night we found Jacob had soiled himself (#2). Right after grandparents' visit. He tried to tell me today that it happened during Sunday School, but I could 100% tell him he was lying because after class we had Mass and he sits on me for most of it and I would have smelled it, just as I smelled it as he walked past me last night.
Ugh.
I found quite a bit of solace and support from my RAD moms and dads today, who told me that the cleaning out of a child's room is not punishment, but 'refocusing'. A lot of the older RAD children have to do this every few months, some even of their own accord, because having too many things around that hold no value to them can exacerbate the situation. Many of the parents were trying to tell me how calming it is for them to have an uncluttered space. Since they don't have normal attachments to toys this makes sense, although my frame of reference makes me think it is deprivation.
Oh well, we laugh and cry together.
We had traffic court tonight. You see, Matthew got a ticket on Rossville Blvd. a few months back for expired tags. We quickly remedied the offense, to the tune of $500 and then I called to see what all I could do to not have to appear in court.
The clerk told me in no uncertain terms the fine was $141 and that the court did not care if we had done the steps to get the car legal or not. I could not believe it!
After consulting with friends and relatives, they advised to go on to court and it would probably be overturned or the fine lessened. That made sense.
So, we got our receipts and new tags and all and headed to city court... what a waste! Judge was no use, giving no concern for the car(s) being made legal, and we still had to pay $141 fine. What is the use of that?
Ugh.
I found quite a bit of solace and support from my RAD moms and dads today, who told me that the cleaning out of a child's room is not punishment, but 'refocusing'. A lot of the older RAD children have to do this every few months, some even of their own accord, because having too many things around that hold no value to them can exacerbate the situation. Many of the parents were trying to tell me how calming it is for them to have an uncluttered space. Since they don't have normal attachments to toys this makes sense, although my frame of reference makes me think it is deprivation.
Oh well, we laugh and cry together.
We had traffic court tonight. You see, Matthew got a ticket on Rossville Blvd. a few months back for expired tags. We quickly remedied the offense, to the tune of $500 and then I called to see what all I could do to not have to appear in court.
The clerk told me in no uncertain terms the fine was $141 and that the court did not care if we had done the steps to get the car legal or not. I could not believe it!
After consulting with friends and relatives, they advised to go on to court and it would probably be overturned or the fine lessened. That made sense.
So, we got our receipts and new tags and all and headed to city court... what a waste! Judge was no use, giving no concern for the car(s) being made legal, and we still had to pay $141 fine. What is the use of that?
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Hurt People Hurt People
Hurt People Hurt People. One of my friends on FB who advocates for pro-life issues posted this today and I thought how well it correlated to my day.
We've cancelled Christmas for Tabitha. There, I said it. If you feel the need to come over and punch me, be my guest.
Upon cleaning out Tabitha's room to:
1)purge old books/toys in preparation of Christmas
2)do a deep cleaning
3)pack up toys to go to attic for bad behavior this week
we came across not one, not ten, but numerous dolls/toys/animals that had been destroyed.
Now, when I was a kid I wrote on things and cut dolls hair and generally practiced being as artistic as I could on things, but the key thing is I still enjoyed those toys. I cut Barbie's hair but it made her more of 'mine' that I had placed my mark on her and I enjoyed her more. Same with cabbage patch dolls bearing frankenstein-ian scars and dolls who got whore-ishly applied permanent makeup. Misguided, yes, but I never tossed these toys out after adulterating them, I was more endeared to them.
Tabitha refuses to see any intrinsic value or sentimentality assigned to her toys. Special things we've bought her on vacation at Disney World, trashed, sliced, cut, gutted. Special toys her grandparents bought that we've had countless conversations about their 'specialness'... same treatment.
We boxed everything salvageable which was one small bin and put it in the attic. Her room is a bed and a few books, placed out of reach so she can't harm them.
I know it's a RAD thing and the FB form is loaded with hundreds of people in this world who are parenting similarly challenged children. This is typical behavior for a RAD sufferer.
The worst thing is the guilt. The guilt you feel when other people hear one fraction of the story and make you feel completely inept.
It's not about us. We suffer all the more because we yearn to give then normal. We yearn for them to be able to handle normal, for them to desire it for themselves.
Jacob was doing so well yesterday through the process, we went through his books and toys too to make a huge donation to charity and he was great.
So great, I told him he could stay up as late as he wanted playing Mario. We had just bought him a Mario costume at Wal-Mart and he stayed in costume and played all night, a treat I would not mind giving him on the weekend, he is 8 after all.
This morning I open the door to tell him to take a nap prior to Church and find not only did he stay up all night, he refused to go to the bathroom and so his room smelled like a men's restroom, with little puddles spread across his room and once he helped clean it up I found where he had squirrelled away the costume and the soaked undies, trying to hide something we already knew occurred.
It is examples like that that prove that as much as we try to give them 'normal', to look past their RAD and want nice things for them, they can not handle it. Tabitha, who isn't even our food-sneaker had mounds of food refuse stuck behind her bed, along with animal voice boxes, stuffing, beads from the animals "guts". Her carpet had been drawn/scraped with crayons. She had shoes hid where the laces had been removed, after telling me the shoelace necklace she was wearing had been a gift from someone at school. The lies have no end.
The amount of disregard, the blatant lack of remorse. Their stoic expressions when confronted with these revelations is maddening.
I feel for those misguided parents whom decades ago tried that form of therapy where the older children were 'reborn' through physical ordeal. Children were hurt and I think one or two were actually killed through it, but I completely understand the concept of trying to free the child of their past and trying to get them to be see themselves as a new person. I am hoping the baptisms will do this for them.
We spoke with Fr. Liam yesterday and their baptisms will be after a set of classes to help them understand the sacrament. Because they are older children, they will be taught and instructed in the meaning and importance and I love that. I am looking forward to see if these classes will help them at home too.
We've cancelled Christmas for Tabitha. There, I said it. If you feel the need to come over and punch me, be my guest.
Upon cleaning out Tabitha's room to:
1)purge old books/toys in preparation of Christmas
2)do a deep cleaning
3)pack up toys to go to attic for bad behavior this week
we came across not one, not ten, but numerous dolls/toys/animals that had been destroyed.
Now, when I was a kid I wrote on things and cut dolls hair and generally practiced being as artistic as I could on things, but the key thing is I still enjoyed those toys. I cut Barbie's hair but it made her more of 'mine' that I had placed my mark on her and I enjoyed her more. Same with cabbage patch dolls bearing frankenstein-ian scars and dolls who got whore-ishly applied permanent makeup. Misguided, yes, but I never tossed these toys out after adulterating them, I was more endeared to them.
Tabitha refuses to see any intrinsic value or sentimentality assigned to her toys. Special things we've bought her on vacation at Disney World, trashed, sliced, cut, gutted. Special toys her grandparents bought that we've had countless conversations about their 'specialness'... same treatment.
We boxed everything salvageable which was one small bin and put it in the attic. Her room is a bed and a few books, placed out of reach so she can't harm them.
I know it's a RAD thing and the FB form is loaded with hundreds of people in this world who are parenting similarly challenged children. This is typical behavior for a RAD sufferer.
The worst thing is the guilt. The guilt you feel when other people hear one fraction of the story and make you feel completely inept.
It's not about us. We suffer all the more because we yearn to give then normal. We yearn for them to be able to handle normal, for them to desire it for themselves.
Jacob was doing so well yesterday through the process, we went through his books and toys too to make a huge donation to charity and he was great.
So great, I told him he could stay up as late as he wanted playing Mario. We had just bought him a Mario costume at Wal-Mart and he stayed in costume and played all night, a treat I would not mind giving him on the weekend, he is 8 after all.
This morning I open the door to tell him to take a nap prior to Church and find not only did he stay up all night, he refused to go to the bathroom and so his room smelled like a men's restroom, with little puddles spread across his room and once he helped clean it up I found where he had squirrelled away the costume and the soaked undies, trying to hide something we already knew occurred.
It is examples like that that prove that as much as we try to give them 'normal', to look past their RAD and want nice things for them, they can not handle it. Tabitha, who isn't even our food-sneaker had mounds of food refuse stuck behind her bed, along with animal voice boxes, stuffing, beads from the animals "guts". Her carpet had been drawn/scraped with crayons. She had shoes hid where the laces had been removed, after telling me the shoelace necklace she was wearing had been a gift from someone at school. The lies have no end.
The amount of disregard, the blatant lack of remorse. Their stoic expressions when confronted with these revelations is maddening.
I feel for those misguided parents whom decades ago tried that form of therapy where the older children were 'reborn' through physical ordeal. Children were hurt and I think one or two were actually killed through it, but I completely understand the concept of trying to free the child of their past and trying to get them to be see themselves as a new person. I am hoping the baptisms will do this for them.
We spoke with Fr. Liam yesterday and their baptisms will be after a set of classes to help them understand the sacrament. Because they are older children, they will be taught and instructed in the meaning and importance and I love that. I am looking forward to see if these classes will help them at home too.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Roll With It
You gotta roll with it
You gotta take your time
You gotta say what you say
Don't let anybody get in your way
'Cause it's all too much for me to take
Don't ever stand aside
Don't ever be denied
You wanna be who you'd be
If you're coming with me
I think I've got a feeling I've lost inside
I think I'm gonna take me away and hide
I'm thinking of things that I just can't abide
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Entrapment
Sometimes, you just gotta do some 'framing'. After almost a month now of Jacob getting up in the middle of the night, even with his 'nighttime' medicine, I had had enough. Saturday morning I woke up and the lights were on. I let the dogs out, went to the restroom, and noticed the laundry room mess was staged in a different type of mess than when we had went to bed, so I peeked around the corner and there was Jacob.. squatting by the litter box. Fortunately he had had a therapy session last week where we went over this several times. So we went through the day with one kid ineligible for treats, which was hard.
This week we also had to put Tabby back into formal therapy, her processing skills were being pushed to their limits and her inability to form opinions was worsening. The therapist saw that point proven several times when his questions came back with "everything", "nothing", and "good" answers.
So, Saturday night I set up a cunning trap where I put a flashlight on the edge of the bathtub. Sure enough, Sunday morning the flashlight had moved. Jacob eventually confessed to taking it to his room and reading all night with it, but said "How did you know? It was where I found it?!"
Well, because I know exactly where I had placed it, and he had missed the mark by about 2 inches.
It didn't make me feel happy to have to do it, but it has been so many nights in a row I had to show him his number was up.
After Sunday school we ate around the table and shared some Bojangles. We started cleaning up the house.. it was such a dusty mess!
We then went to Wal-Mart to shop for the week.. and Tabby had a tantrum because we told her to wait on picking out candy since the elderly woman infront of us had decided to double back for a Mars bar. Tabby melted down super quick over being told to just wait.
This is my lovely weekend.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Traumatized weatherman
Jacob has been traumatized. The storms. He has been emotionally tied to weather patterns. Every raindrop, grey cloud, or sound of thunder sends him into a fit of questions and panic.
Today when I picked him up he stated "I've been watching the weather channel and the wildfires in Arizona may lead to blackouts in Texas"... showing me he was even anxious about our upcoming trip to OK and TX.
His classmate who was hurt so badly during the tornadoes is having a homecoming party Saturday so we went to the toy store to find a gift. He also saw a segment on him while watching the weather channel. Jacob was not very involved in picking the toy out, but I know he was listening to every word between us and the staff at Learning Express.
He's been obsessing over seeing his classmate, even begging to go see him in the hospital.
On the drive home he tells me he had said a prayer to God that 2011 will stop being so terrifying.
Today when I picked him up he stated "I've been watching the weather channel and the wildfires in Arizona may lead to blackouts in Texas"... showing me he was even anxious about our upcoming trip to OK and TX.
His classmate who was hurt so badly during the tornadoes is having a homecoming party Saturday so we went to the toy store to find a gift. He also saw a segment on him while watching the weather channel. Jacob was not very involved in picking the toy out, but I know he was listening to every word between us and the staff at Learning Express.
He's been obsessing over seeing his classmate, even begging to go see him in the hospital.
On the drive home he tells me he had said a prayer to God that 2011 will stop being so terrifying.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Day of the basketcase and biological war
I slept until 3. That was good, I think.
Aggie barked and woke me up, prompting a pee-run.
Managed to get back to sleep at some point, woke up grouchily and showered.
Jacob 'spit up' into his bowl of Cheerios. See, his therapy appointment the day before was disastrous. He shut down and admitted to the therapist he was no longer listening or participating in the conversation.. rather rudely.
When he gets in his funk of bad behavior, everything becomes a trigger.
Saturday he intentionally pooped on himself while we were out, having to divert back home and get him his second shower of the day 'because he wanted to'.
So, we were discussing that with the therapist. It was an inclusive appointment and Tabitha and myself were in the room, although not participating in the discussion between Jacob and his doctor.
At one point Tabby gets the magnadoodle off his toy shelf and scrawls the message "don't poop on yourself!!!" and shows Jacob. Ugh.
The therapist was unhappy about it, then finally Jacob acknowledged his behavior was 'not cool' and deserving punishment. We had taken his TV plug cord away for a week. Fair, we all agreed.
So this morning he was coming off of that and his 'spit up' he was calling 'throw up' was sending me all sorts of red flag warnings about it being just another of countless instances where he uses his bodily functions to control the situation.
When I confronted him on this, guess what... he did a full fledged stomach emptying vomit to prove me wrong.
Except I know he can do this on command, and when faced with staying home with me he recanted and said he was, in fact, fine. He wanted so desperately to go to the sitter. No fever, no bellyache... just pure biological manipulation.
I had an eye appointment first thing, so I dropped Tabitha off with the sitter and dragged Jacob on my morning errand.
The infected thing residing in my eyelid will require a salve, and a course of pills. As the doctor is explaining this to me she warns that the pills CAN NOT be taken if pregnant and advised me to make 100% sure I wasn't before getting them filled.
Damn.
She had no clue about my emotional trauma that is fertility. It wasn't her fault. But I did become a basketcase as soon as I left her building. Internally, of course, to Jacob I was just his boring Mom driving him around town when he'd much rather be with the sitter.
Because no matter how much I didn't show it, the idea of having to buy a pregnancy test is completely harrowing to me. Back when we were actively trying I carried them around with me, lol. But very soon after getting married and having the exploratory surgery and the doctor telling me there was a 'snowballs chance in Hades' chance, you grieve and move on.
I have been taking birth control pills for a few years because that is the only way with the PCOS, endometriosis, and endosalpingiosis I could ever regulate my periods.
Still, when you ONLY have that 0.00000001% chance and you believe in the Lord's Will, you can't just ignore the doctor's words. So, I sucked it up and bought a box of pee-sticks. They were out of the single packs so I had to buy the 3 pack.. I wonder if I can donate the other two to charity, LOL.
Even admitting there is a 0.00000001% chance made me reel. I had already promised to God my baby saint names before beginning the test. That's how awfully consuming the emotion becomes.
Sorrowfully, and utterly predictably, it was negative. It had been so long since I had to even live through that type of anticipation that my heart hurt.
So, after freaking out over that, I headed to KIA to get the car fixed. Turns out the cd player that went kapooie is 3k miles out of warranty. Really?! Yeah, no one told us our 60k mile warranty didn't exactly cover everything. Hmmph. Another bump. Got car washed and vacuumed, then I got a little sick to my stomach and headed home, hoping to go to work later in the day.
Once home I finished up watching Pillars of the Earth (fantastic), and had to cleanup another biological mess. The new dog had yet another seizure and it was BAD. Poop, pee, slobber, and 'glandular spray'. Ugh.
I picked up the kiddos and headed to CVS, where my prescription had not been filled yet, even though they had received it around 6 hours prior. Double damn.
Came home and watched TV and settled with Matthew on Long John's Family Chicken pack.
Tabitha is not listening to any of our words tonight and acting whiny... but that's pretty normal after Jacob gets negative attention, it becomes her turn.
Aggie barked and woke me up, prompting a pee-run.
Managed to get back to sleep at some point, woke up grouchily and showered.
Jacob 'spit up' into his bowl of Cheerios. See, his therapy appointment the day before was disastrous. He shut down and admitted to the therapist he was no longer listening or participating in the conversation.. rather rudely.
When he gets in his funk of bad behavior, everything becomes a trigger.
Saturday he intentionally pooped on himself while we were out, having to divert back home and get him his second shower of the day 'because he wanted to'.
So, we were discussing that with the therapist. It was an inclusive appointment and Tabitha and myself were in the room, although not participating in the discussion between Jacob and his doctor.
At one point Tabby gets the magnadoodle off his toy shelf and scrawls the message "don't poop on yourself!!!" and shows Jacob. Ugh.
The therapist was unhappy about it, then finally Jacob acknowledged his behavior was 'not cool' and deserving punishment. We had taken his TV plug cord away for a week. Fair, we all agreed.
So this morning he was coming off of that and his 'spit up' he was calling 'throw up' was sending me all sorts of red flag warnings about it being just another of countless instances where he uses his bodily functions to control the situation.
When I confronted him on this, guess what... he did a full fledged stomach emptying vomit to prove me wrong.
Except I know he can do this on command, and when faced with staying home with me he recanted and said he was, in fact, fine. He wanted so desperately to go to the sitter. No fever, no bellyache... just pure biological manipulation.
I had an eye appointment first thing, so I dropped Tabitha off with the sitter and dragged Jacob on my morning errand.
The infected thing residing in my eyelid will require a salve, and a course of pills. As the doctor is explaining this to me she warns that the pills CAN NOT be taken if pregnant and advised me to make 100% sure I wasn't before getting them filled.
Damn.
She had no clue about my emotional trauma that is fertility. It wasn't her fault. But I did become a basketcase as soon as I left her building. Internally, of course, to Jacob I was just his boring Mom driving him around town when he'd much rather be with the sitter.
Because no matter how much I didn't show it, the idea of having to buy a pregnancy test is completely harrowing to me. Back when we were actively trying I carried them around with me, lol. But very soon after getting married and having the exploratory surgery and the doctor telling me there was a 'snowballs chance in Hades' chance, you grieve and move on.
I have been taking birth control pills for a few years because that is the only way with the PCOS, endometriosis, and endosalpingiosis I could ever regulate my periods.
Still, when you ONLY have that 0.00000001% chance and you believe in the Lord's Will, you can't just ignore the doctor's words. So, I sucked it up and bought a box of pee-sticks. They were out of the single packs so I had to buy the 3 pack.. I wonder if I can donate the other two to charity, LOL.
Even admitting there is a 0.00000001% chance made me reel. I had already promised to God my baby saint names before beginning the test. That's how awfully consuming the emotion becomes.
Sorrowfully, and utterly predictably, it was negative. It had been so long since I had to even live through that type of anticipation that my heart hurt.
So, after freaking out over that, I headed to KIA to get the car fixed. Turns out the cd player that went kapooie is 3k miles out of warranty. Really?! Yeah, no one told us our 60k mile warranty didn't exactly cover everything. Hmmph. Another bump. Got car washed and vacuumed, then I got a little sick to my stomach and headed home, hoping to go to work later in the day.
Once home I finished up watching Pillars of the Earth (fantastic), and had to cleanup another biological mess. The new dog had yet another seizure and it was BAD. Poop, pee, slobber, and 'glandular spray'. Ugh.
I picked up the kiddos and headed to CVS, where my prescription had not been filled yet, even though they had received it around 6 hours prior. Double damn.
Came home and watched TV and settled with Matthew on Long John's Family Chicken pack.
Tabitha is not listening to any of our words tonight and acting whiny... but that's pretty normal after Jacob gets negative attention, it becomes her turn.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
A simple plan
So, I'm off all medications.
After the storms came and we went so long without power, my only thought was to secure the kids' meds. In the process of all the chaos I just stopped taking my meds.
I've felt great.
I saw the Dr. today who was supportive of me coming off of them. Between him and the other Dr. I see it has been 1.5 years of coming on and off new meds.. countless prescriptions it seems.
Came to terms with just having chronic pain and dealing with it. I'm to go a month without meds, get some bloodwork and maybe start over on something just for the pain.
The prevailing theory is pain is psychological, but all of the depression, nerve, etc. pills did not a thing. I knew that.
My roller coaster moods have been a sincere reflection of the the kids' own behavior. They have a good week, I have one too. It is severely hard to have a plan to parent in a certain way and then watch the train get de-railed every week. So much so that I have found support and validation online.
See this article.
So, things have been good with the kids, we have our smaller issues, but they have shown us a small willingness to modify their behavior and we have relaxed a little on rewards and given them more room to mature.
So, while the Dr. was a little dismayed I just stopped the med concoctions cold turkey, I didn't have any adverse effects. Just got to see how little all those expensive drugs were doing for me.
Sometimes you've got to speak up for your own body.
After the storms came and we went so long without power, my only thought was to secure the kids' meds. In the process of all the chaos I just stopped taking my meds.
I've felt great.
I saw the Dr. today who was supportive of me coming off of them. Between him and the other Dr. I see it has been 1.5 years of coming on and off new meds.. countless prescriptions it seems.
Came to terms with just having chronic pain and dealing with it. I'm to go a month without meds, get some bloodwork and maybe start over on something just for the pain.
The prevailing theory is pain is psychological, but all of the depression, nerve, etc. pills did not a thing. I knew that.
My roller coaster moods have been a sincere reflection of the the kids' own behavior. They have a good week, I have one too. It is severely hard to have a plan to parent in a certain way and then watch the train get de-railed every week. So much so that I have found support and validation online.
See this article.
So, things have been good with the kids, we have our smaller issues, but they have shown us a small willingness to modify their behavior and we have relaxed a little on rewards and given them more room to mature.
So, while the Dr. was a little dismayed I just stopped the med concoctions cold turkey, I didn't have any adverse effects. Just got to see how little all those expensive drugs were doing for me.
Sometimes you've got to speak up for your own body.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
Parenting
My problem is I take it personally. I internalize and take all of the kids' bad behavior as a reflection of my failed parenting. It drives me crazy. Although I know they have issues, we are doing the BEST we can, and it will not be an overnight fix.. I still despair.
Two phone calls from school this week. One from principal, one from teacher. Check forgery (he tried to make his own check; scary, brilliant, gutsy), theft from a classmate, lying, stealing, wandering off... the list goes on. Unfortunately I can see him being suspended in the immediate future.
We saw his prescribing Dr. this week and made a lot of changes. Instead of Vyvanse and Celexa, we now have a 4 med regimen. Concerta, celexa, tenex, remeron.
Day one went not so well, both me and Matthew had to go get him from school.
I took him to the Fort Oglethorpe police department, hoping they would 'talk' to him as an authoritative figure. Nope. The officer was nice, but explained they don't 'scare' kids anymore. But, he himself had also adopted 3 boys from DFACS and his advice was to tell me that I was well within my rights in the state of Georgia to invest in a leather belt.
The book I ordered on the 10 Commandments came in yesterday.. just in time! Matthew and I read it to the kids before bed. It is written to relate to their age group, and I thought for certain they were getting at least some surface information from it. The plan is to read it every night.
Matthew worked hard to get Jacob back into his room last night, because if he was going to sleep in our room and still sneak a DS (which he had to have gotten way up in the living room closet for) and manage to play it under the covers in the same room as us.. then our entire purpose of him being in close proximity to us is moot.
So, Matthew took Jacob's room down to a mattress, sheet, pillow, blanket. Set the motion alarm in the hallway, and we went to bed.
Woke up this morning and Laptop was half under Jacob's mattress, and Matthew's small ipod was missing. After all of the disciplining and speeches and moralizing we had done, he couldn't give a flip. He couldn't even go a few hours making good decisions. We're baffled. The first night the remeron knocked him out.. apparently last night it did nothing. Matthew guesses the motion alarm wasn't set properly.
He finally told us the location of the small ipod, and when Matthew turned it on it had several games on it. This is one of those old ipods that is like 2'' x 4'' with a small color screen. (not the Ipod touch that Jacob flushed this weekend)
We didnt even know you could get games on that old device.
Matthew is home today and so is Jacob. Matthew had already signed up for Adoration at church, so taking Jacob can only be a blessing.
So that is my rant for this week. Tonight is tennis lessons. I'm exhausted.
Two phone calls from school this week. One from principal, one from teacher. Check forgery (he tried to make his own check; scary, brilliant, gutsy), theft from a classmate, lying, stealing, wandering off... the list goes on. Unfortunately I can see him being suspended in the immediate future.
We saw his prescribing Dr. this week and made a lot of changes. Instead of Vyvanse and Celexa, we now have a 4 med regimen. Concerta, celexa, tenex, remeron.
Day one went not so well, both me and Matthew had to go get him from school.
I took him to the Fort Oglethorpe police department, hoping they would 'talk' to him as an authoritative figure. Nope. The officer was nice, but explained they don't 'scare' kids anymore. But, he himself had also adopted 3 boys from DFACS and his advice was to tell me that I was well within my rights in the state of Georgia to invest in a leather belt.
The book I ordered on the 10 Commandments came in yesterday.. just in time! Matthew and I read it to the kids before bed. It is written to relate to their age group, and I thought for certain they were getting at least some surface information from it. The plan is to read it every night.
Matthew worked hard to get Jacob back into his room last night, because if he was going to sleep in our room and still sneak a DS (which he had to have gotten way up in the living room closet for) and manage to play it under the covers in the same room as us.. then our entire purpose of him being in close proximity to us is moot.
So, Matthew took Jacob's room down to a mattress, sheet, pillow, blanket. Set the motion alarm in the hallway, and we went to bed.
Woke up this morning and Laptop was half under Jacob's mattress, and Matthew's small ipod was missing. After all of the disciplining and speeches and moralizing we had done, he couldn't give a flip. He couldn't even go a few hours making good decisions. We're baffled. The first night the remeron knocked him out.. apparently last night it did nothing. Matthew guesses the motion alarm wasn't set properly.
He finally told us the location of the small ipod, and when Matthew turned it on it had several games on it. This is one of those old ipods that is like 2'' x 4'' with a small color screen. (not the Ipod touch that Jacob flushed this weekend)
We didnt even know you could get games on that old device.
Matthew is home today and so is Jacob. Matthew had already signed up for Adoration at church, so taking Jacob can only be a blessing.
So that is my rant for this week. Tonight is tennis lessons. I'm exhausted.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Struggles and Balances
My blogging friends who battle their children suffering with a wide range of both genetic and trauma induced behavioral issues can understand. Most people cannot.
My kids can go from little angels to absolute confusion in lightening speed. Their ability to coerce, manipulate, lie, and confound us has us reeling and speechless even after over 2 years of parenting them, accompanying them to therapists, psychiatrists, reading books, and leaning on each other. They still have the upper hand, the shock, the ability to knock us down on our butts and realize we have accomplished nothing. We may have even regressed. All our efforts have been only to comfort ourselves, and have not changed, modified, nor even remotely begun to make our children think any differently about their behvioral choices.
I could go into specifics. We had a weekend of much the same bad behavior, just repeatedly. We would have emotions, hugs, moments where we might have even given ourselves the glimmer of sincerity in their eyes. Then it goes away. Just like that.
It has spilled now into Jacob's school life. Not good. Next Dr. appt we will have to try a different medication.
So, we stare at ourselves alot. We scratch our heads and say, "what's next" "what now" "what can we possibly do to correct it".
We rationalize, we give dumbed-down speeches on the greatness of good citizenship and character and morality and religion. I've got some books ordered to help in those areas ( I hope ).
We say to ourselves "they dont think"... they will do something that 5 minutes ago just got them into trouble. Even the dog has better judgement than that. It's frustrating. We've spanked, we've touched toes, we've had noses on walls, books held out on hands, faces in corners, sitting on beds, running around the outside of the house, sentences...
We improve in one area, and the scales tilt, the pendulum swings, and we go back into having to deal with issues we thought we had already finished and moved on from.
Lent begins this week and I am giving up facebook, possibly blogging only once a week (as I do now). I need more time to focus on my family, to weed out the distractions of people who do not lift me up, who do not support my family and lend us strength. I am going to make sure I get back to spending my free time where it is needed and deserved, with Matthew and the kids.
My kids can go from little angels to absolute confusion in lightening speed. Their ability to coerce, manipulate, lie, and confound us has us reeling and speechless even after over 2 years of parenting them, accompanying them to therapists, psychiatrists, reading books, and leaning on each other. They still have the upper hand, the shock, the ability to knock us down on our butts and realize we have accomplished nothing. We may have even regressed. All our efforts have been only to comfort ourselves, and have not changed, modified, nor even remotely begun to make our children think any differently about their behvioral choices.
I could go into specifics. We had a weekend of much the same bad behavior, just repeatedly. We would have emotions, hugs, moments where we might have even given ourselves the glimmer of sincerity in their eyes. Then it goes away. Just like that.
It has spilled now into Jacob's school life. Not good. Next Dr. appt we will have to try a different medication.
So, we stare at ourselves alot. We scratch our heads and say, "what's next" "what now" "what can we possibly do to correct it".
We rationalize, we give dumbed-down speeches on the greatness of good citizenship and character and morality and religion. I've got some books ordered to help in those areas ( I hope ).
We say to ourselves "they dont think"... they will do something that 5 minutes ago just got them into trouble. Even the dog has better judgement than that. It's frustrating. We've spanked, we've touched toes, we've had noses on walls, books held out on hands, faces in corners, sitting on beds, running around the outside of the house, sentences...
We improve in one area, and the scales tilt, the pendulum swings, and we go back into having to deal with issues we thought we had already finished and moved on from.
Lent begins this week and I am giving up facebook, possibly blogging only once a week (as I do now). I need more time to focus on my family, to weed out the distractions of people who do not lift me up, who do not support my family and lend us strength. I am going to make sure I get back to spending my free time where it is needed and deserved, with Matthew and the kids.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Hiking Day
Today was a great day. We had quality family time. Away from the house and the TV, and all of the distractions. Since Jacob has been having issues with 'over reading' OCD this was really good for him. We did two trails in about four hours. It is just so nice being in the middle of nowhere, only us, walking around, talking, picnicking in a field, crossing streams. Relaxing. I thought my back would hurt but surprisingly it did not, even though I carried the heavier pack to burn more calories. We even got some sun on our skin!
Friday, February 25, 2011
End of Feb.
It has been a wild and crazy month. This week alone felt like it took forever. Working and just getting a few hours in the evening with the kids is rough. Routines can just be draining.
The weather has been nice. On the weekends we've been able to go visit family, grandparents, and go to the park.
Seems hum-drum, and I guess it is.
Overall I have seen a lot of behavioral improvements, maturity, and owning up to their actions. Jacob forged my initials this week, and his teacher and I had a laugh about that.. but he didn't deny it.
I've reached out about the tennis lessons after several recommendations, waiting on a callback on those.
I've posted a job on a nanny site for summer care and already have 6 responses, will start interviews in April/May. One response was an actual teacher from the area that just wanted something to do for the summer. That would be awesome.
The weather has been nice. On the weekends we've been able to go visit family, grandparents, and go to the park.
Seems hum-drum, and I guess it is.
Overall I have seen a lot of behavioral improvements, maturity, and owning up to their actions. Jacob forged my initials this week, and his teacher and I had a laugh about that.. but he didn't deny it.
I've reached out about the tennis lessons after several recommendations, waiting on a callback on those.
I've posted a job on a nanny site for summer care and already have 6 responses, will start interviews in April/May. One response was an actual teacher from the area that just wanted something to do for the summer. That would be awesome.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Turbotax letdown
I've really always preferred TurboTax. But this year they held out. Putting off the form 8839 to 2/10, then 2/17, and now 2/24!! I gave up and just quickly went over to Tax-Act and fixed it up. I have to paper mail it anyways. So let down. :-( sigh
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Midweek
No clever pictures, no sweet little faces to post. Life has just been shuffling along.
The kids have been trying. They had an exciting weekend kicked off with a birthday party at 'The Cheese" which just completely overloads them. So, we've had abnormal amounts of back talking, bossiness, hitting, meanness to the animals, food control issues, bathroom control issues, as well as notes home from school this week.
So... yeah.. I think the excitement of a birthday party, probably the strong feelings towards their previous family who they got to see,and added to that Valentine's Day party at school.. it was just overload for the kids. Jacob cried in his room last night after he had gotten up after everyone had been asleep for awhile and I put him back to bed and he said he was sad because his family was 'so big'. It was really sad. I am glad he has been on the antidepressant for awhile now.
A few weeks ago we were out and bumped into their first foster family and before we went over to them at the restaurant I asked him if he remembered them and he said, "are they the ones who didn't have a house" (obviously referring to the biological parents). whoa. It really knocked me over and made me realize how little he has this whole puzzle pieced together, but honestly I'm not certain how much of it he can comprehend at this stage. He is a whiz with numbers, but concepts like family relations and all of this I think is just a little beyond him currently.
;/ :P
This weekend we have planned hiking at the battlefield and taking the kids bikes out.
The kids have been trying. They had an exciting weekend kicked off with a birthday party at 'The Cheese" which just completely overloads them. So, we've had abnormal amounts of back talking, bossiness, hitting, meanness to the animals, food control issues, bathroom control issues, as well as notes home from school this week.
So... yeah.. I think the excitement of a birthday party, probably the strong feelings towards their previous family who they got to see,and added to that Valentine's Day party at school.. it was just overload for the kids. Jacob cried in his room last night after he had gotten up after everyone had been asleep for awhile and I put him back to bed and he said he was sad because his family was 'so big'. It was really sad. I am glad he has been on the antidepressant for awhile now.
A few weeks ago we were out and bumped into their first foster family and before we went over to them at the restaurant I asked him if he remembered them and he said, "are they the ones who didn't have a house" (obviously referring to the biological parents). whoa. It really knocked me over and made me realize how little he has this whole puzzle pieced together, but honestly I'm not certain how much of it he can comprehend at this stage. He is a whiz with numbers, but concepts like family relations and all of this I think is just a little beyond him currently.
;/ :P
This weekend we have planned hiking at the battlefield and taking the kids bikes out.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
The Pain
Psychiatrist trying me on two new meds for anxiety, temper, shakes, agitation, and associated pain.
Twice daily and they are knocking me out. I can go 1/2 on one, and I think I will have to. I am encouraged though, getting rid of the old meds which were giving me shakes and bone pain.. which was nothing to mess around with.
Twice daily and they are knocking me out. I can go 1/2 on one, and I think I will have to. I am encouraged though, getting rid of the old meds which were giving me shakes and bone pain.. which was nothing to mess around with.
Friday, February 11, 2011
How best to deal with bossy kiddos..
.. someone please tell me. Hahaha
We did shopping for their little sister's birthday and filled out Valentines, then met Matthew for dinner since he worked late. It was a good day.
I have random thoughts which irritate my family.
I asked Matthew how many times he thought a TV show was watched from start to finish before being OK-ed, and by whom?
Last year I was so fixated on dental anthropology I bought a textbook, read about 16 years of journals, and also emailed back and forth with the author of the book and professor at Cambridge. fun.
This week I've also wondered how many 'messages in a bottle' are floating around out there still, because long ago it would be a sight to find a bottle.. whereas today it would be considered rubbish and thrown out without a second thought.
This morning I started thinking how historically people had to deal with the lack of potable water. Sure, they had to boil it to stave off disease, but really they didn't have access like today. So, it is a fact that most people drank wine and beer,partly because it was sterile. So, I started thinking how throughout history there must have been a lot of people born with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Don't you think?
Also, having to explain the word potable to my Mom was fun.
We did shopping for their little sister's birthday and filled out Valentines, then met Matthew for dinner since he worked late. It was a good day.
I have random thoughts which irritate my family.
I asked Matthew how many times he thought a TV show was watched from start to finish before being OK-ed, and by whom?
Last year I was so fixated on dental anthropology I bought a textbook, read about 16 years of journals, and also emailed back and forth with the author of the book and professor at Cambridge. fun.
This week I've also wondered how many 'messages in a bottle' are floating around out there still, because long ago it would be a sight to find a bottle.. whereas today it would be considered rubbish and thrown out without a second thought.
This morning I started thinking how historically people had to deal with the lack of potable water. Sure, they had to boil it to stave off disease, but really they didn't have access like today. So, it is a fact that most people drank wine and beer,partly because it was sterile. So, I started thinking how throughout history there must have been a lot of people born with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Don't you think?
Also, having to explain the word potable to my Mom was fun.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
And Other Things
The Dog usually saves this perfect wet print for my foot on her way inside!
Good day today, even though there was some craziness. At least this time it wasn't the kiddos being crazy.. just other people (who know who they are).
Will we have a snow day tomorrow?
The Art of Sleep
So, the kids have had sleeping issues.. that's old news. Tabitha is our best sleeper, but she tosses and turns so much I thinks she wakes herself up. It could also be Jacob waking her up, since he's normally in his room goofing off instead of sleeping.
Actually, I have to admit, this is an improvement. Not too long ago he was stealing cell phones, Ipods, and food in the middle of the night. At least now he seems to be containing his night play to his bedroom.
I bought a motion activated alarm system at Radio Shack. Matthew put it up yesterday, pointing at their doors, high enough where the cats don't set it off. It works great.
The Johnson & Johnson baby lotion that is specifically for bedtime is also nice. I put on both kiddos after showers last night and we had no problems. I stayed in the bed with Jacob until he fell asleep, then moved to Tabby's room to do the same just to get them back on track with sleep expectations. I'm happy with the results, although I didn't go to bed any earlier I enjoyed watching the kids fall asleep.. and the smell of the lotion.
Another new thing in our house is independent showering. I set Matthew in charge of overseeing this because if I were to go check on a kiddo and they needed help getting soap off their heads I would just do it for them instead of simply instructing them. He is perfect for those type of things. And it has been a few weeks since we began this and (correct me if I'm wrong, Matthew) they seem to be progressing with minimal instructions from us.
Soon we will be able to just tell them it's shower time and they will handle it... I'm so proud of them. :-)
Actually, I have to admit, this is an improvement. Not too long ago he was stealing cell phones, Ipods, and food in the middle of the night. At least now he seems to be containing his night play to his bedroom.
I bought a motion activated alarm system at Radio Shack. Matthew put it up yesterday, pointing at their doors, high enough where the cats don't set it off. It works great.
The Johnson & Johnson baby lotion that is specifically for bedtime is also nice. I put on both kiddos after showers last night and we had no problems. I stayed in the bed with Jacob until he fell asleep, then moved to Tabby's room to do the same just to get them back on track with sleep expectations. I'm happy with the results, although I didn't go to bed any earlier I enjoyed watching the kids fall asleep.. and the smell of the lotion.
Another new thing in our house is independent showering. I set Matthew in charge of overseeing this because if I were to go check on a kiddo and they needed help getting soap off their heads I would just do it for them instead of simply instructing them. He is perfect for those type of things. And it has been a few weeks since we began this and (correct me if I'm wrong, Matthew) they seem to be progressing with minimal instructions from us.
Soon we will be able to just tell them it's shower time and they will handle it... I'm so proud of them. :-)
Monday, February 7, 2011
Sunday, February 6, 2011
The Power of Britney
This weekend flew by so fast it was just unfair.
The kiddos went to their Mamaw's and Papaw's house Saturday afternoon and spent the night. Matthew and I were able to have a bonafide date night. We went to Smokey Bones, shopped around a little, then came home to sleep in a house where no little feet would be running around.
I didn't even need any sleeping pills! I was so out I never even heard my sister come in the house. Perfect!
Sunday we got up and out and had a good day of shopping. We had full intentions of going to buy one of those cheap little $30 printers from Wal-Mart. Unfortunately we decided to shop around and went to Staples, where I saw the best desktop tower on CLEARANCE (My favorite word!).
We went to Best Buy and they had one that wasn't as good for almost $100 more, so we went back and bought the one at Staples. Then they said since it was the floor model they would have to keep it and do a system restore, but it would possibly be ready by the end of the day.
So, we went and picked up the kiddos from my parent's house and visited a little. We went to get some groceries and the phone rang. The computer was ready and I had 5 minutes to get there! I left Matthew and the kids with a buggy full of food and ran out to the car and tried to get to Staples. Not far to drive, but the traffic was terrible. I turned on the radio and lo and behold.. Britney's new song. I cranked it up and knew if Britney came on the radio, I was going to make it! Haha. I love her new song.
So, I made it, narrowly, and now I have an awesome computer. We went to Subway to celebrate and the kids were in a fun mood. Dancing machines! :-)
Thursday, February 3, 2011
C'mon Friday... catch up!
Oh this week.. this week. Not been a fan of this week.. at all.
I've had my days mixed up all week.
Sleep has been hard to come by. The kids have been disrupting their own sleep, either just to mess with me or because they just know that 'mom is always up' and they want to get some attention.
The surveyors finished their work. It took almost an exact month. The back line did shift over a few feet, but we actually got more land, because they used a 1949 survey which matched our deed line in the back, gaining us 5 feet in the back. We also grabbed a tree in the front side yard and the line runs well behind our rock landscaping. We were worried we had a ton of prepping to do before the fence installers had a good path. It's just strange, I'm glad it is over. I will throw a massive party when the fence is installed. Conditions of attendance will be helping clean up the junk/brush. There is literally an old TV in the back woods. Lovely.
All of my fellow-adopters and I are all waiting, the Feds still haven't issued the final release of 8839. Turbo Tax says the earliest estimate filing date is 2/17, and we have to mail off a ton of paperwork. But, that will be one delivery confirmation I will gladly purchase.
The week has dragged by, and I am very optimistic about the weekend. My Mom is taking the kiddos to 'the Cheese' and then letting them spend the night, although I've already been warned that I will have to have them picked up 'before Super Bowl time'. Funny. I will enjoy some time with Matthew! We have to start planning for the upcoming summer.
I've had my days mixed up all week.
Sleep has been hard to come by. The kids have been disrupting their own sleep, either just to mess with me or because they just know that 'mom is always up' and they want to get some attention.
The surveyors finished their work. It took almost an exact month. The back line did shift over a few feet, but we actually got more land, because they used a 1949 survey which matched our deed line in the back, gaining us 5 feet in the back. We also grabbed a tree in the front side yard and the line runs well behind our rock landscaping. We were worried we had a ton of prepping to do before the fence installers had a good path. It's just strange, I'm glad it is over. I will throw a massive party when the fence is installed. Conditions of attendance will be helping clean up the junk/brush. There is literally an old TV in the back woods. Lovely.
All of my fellow-adopters and I are all waiting, the Feds still haven't issued the final release of 8839. Turbo Tax says the earliest estimate filing date is 2/17, and we have to mail off a ton of paperwork. But, that will be one delivery confirmation I will gladly purchase.
The week has dragged by, and I am very optimistic about the weekend. My Mom is taking the kiddos to 'the Cheese' and then letting them spend the night, although I've already been warned that I will have to have them picked up 'before Super Bowl time'. Funny. I will enjoy some time with Matthew! We have to start planning for the upcoming summer.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Camo Tabby
Lots of fun this weekend. The kids had some pretty good days of expressing themselves. We watched movies, we danced, we sang, we argued, we bossed, we hugged and kissed.
We visited both sets of grandparents.
Matthew has devised a wonderful laundry schedule for us all, with the kids in charge of their own hampers and putting their clean clothes away when given back.
Today we discovered Tabby was not putting away her clothes, but piling the dirty clothes on top of them in the hamper. So, not knowing which was which we had to launder most of her wardrobe. As a consequence, she had to wear her brother's clothes out today. She told me before we left, "I am supposed to be cute!"
In the bathroom at Moe's I told her before washing her hands to "roll up your sleeves", and she immediately protested, "they're not MY sleeves! I'll roll up Jacob's sleeves!" Oh, it was a funny day. I think she will keep her clothes more organized now. :-)
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Slowing Down
So GLAD the weekend is here!
I took back the no-bark system and bought Aggie her 3rd harness (she's chewed up two)and a new litter box for the cats. It's the little things that make me feel well accomplished.
Matthew had Friday off from work and met me near the mall after work with the kiddos. We had a fun dinner at Dairy Queen, with Tabby mentioning that the next day she wanted to get the pool out. Ha! It's a fun world she lives in. :-)
Today, Saturday, we are spending watching movies, drawing, and goofing off. Much needed.
I took back the no-bark system and bought Aggie her 3rd harness (she's chewed up two)and a new litter box for the cats. It's the little things that make me feel well accomplished.
Matthew had Friday off from work and met me near the mall after work with the kiddos. We had a fun dinner at Dairy Queen, with Tabby mentioning that the next day she wanted to get the pool out. Ha! It's a fun world she lives in. :-)
Today, Saturday, we are spending watching movies, drawing, and goofing off. Much needed.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Space Shuttle
Today we remember the crew of the Space Shuttle Challenger.
I was only 5 at the time, but I do remember seeing the images on the news played over and over of the explosion/breakup.
We had one of those hideous console table TV sets, I just remember sitting and watching it. So sad.
Dancin'.... yeahhhh
There seems to be a lot of dancing going around in the house lately. The kiddos are in a way better mood overall than last week. Their favorite movie is Despicable Me, and they know the dance moves and songs, and darn near most of the words. They amaze me!
Jacob was ASP kid of the month! Tabby got it last year so she couldn't complain too much. He was given a bag full of goodies and treats and we let him take it to his room and eat all the snacks at his discretion. He was very generous and shared with Tabby. They are exceptionally good at including one another in things like that.
Poor Jacob though, with his oh-so literal mind was given a pack of starburst candy with a prize promotion on the packaging. He read it "find the golden starburst, win up to 10,000 dollars" and his mind fixated on it.
He came into the living room all wide-eyed and told us about it, claiming Tabby had won because she found it! Except she just had a regular old yellow lemon one. Once we explained that he would not win, that he had not gotten the winning starburst, he went back into his room. He came out another time saying the same thing, holding the package asking if the 'gold on the package' would match 'the gold on the starburst'. He was worrying about it WAY too much. I told him to throw the package wrapper away, and he was so dismayed. He really wanted to hold onto the wrapper and read it. That's just the way his mind operates. If he finds it interesting he wants to keep it forever. Tags from clothes, toy packaging, etc.
In keeping with the dancing theme this week we were sitting in line to drop them off at school today, in the 6:50 a.m. dark, with one other car infront of us and had the interior lights on and the kids were standing up dancing and rocking the van. They make me laugh, and they made the car infront of us laugh too!
Jacob was ASP kid of the month! Tabby got it last year so she couldn't complain too much. He was given a bag full of goodies and treats and we let him take it to his room and eat all the snacks at his discretion. He was very generous and shared with Tabby. They are exceptionally good at including one another in things like that.
Poor Jacob though, with his oh-so literal mind was given a pack of starburst candy with a prize promotion on the packaging. He read it "find the golden starburst, win up to 10,000 dollars" and his mind fixated on it.
He came into the living room all wide-eyed and told us about it, claiming Tabby had won because she found it! Except she just had a regular old yellow lemon one. Once we explained that he would not win, that he had not gotten the winning starburst, he went back into his room. He came out another time saying the same thing, holding the package asking if the 'gold on the package' would match 'the gold on the starburst'. He was worrying about it WAY too much. I told him to throw the package wrapper away, and he was so dismayed. He really wanted to hold onto the wrapper and read it. That's just the way his mind operates. If he finds it interesting he wants to keep it forever. Tags from clothes, toy packaging, etc.
In keeping with the dancing theme this week we were sitting in line to drop them off at school today, in the 6:50 a.m. dark, with one other car infront of us and had the interior lights on and the kids were standing up dancing and rocking the van. They make me laugh, and they made the car infront of us laugh too!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
The Truth Hurts
Our Wednesday was pretty normal. I did a little grocery shopping and a little homework supervision.
In second grade they're still doing the 'color' conduct charts. Jacob's is in the back sleeve of his homework folder. The teacher trusts them to color their circle in on the calendar themselves. You see where I'm going with this, right?
So, everyday after school the kids immediately tell me "Purple!". With Tabby I was 100% she was towing the line and giving her all to please her teacher.
With Jacob we kept being impressed and proud that he was doing so well in class, a testament to his ADHD medicine and motivation to please his teacher.
So, yesterday I have a note scrawled along the top of the conduct calendar informing me that 'Jacob has been giving himself 'purple' when he has not been getting it. The colors he has gotten were not bad". She had handwritten over his calendar the correct colors which were not BAD, in fact 'blue' and 'green' are perfectly acceptable. But the little angel had decided (months ago) to just give himself the highest color code.. and then proceeded to seek out praise by mentioning it when I picked him up everyday.
I'm torn on this one, because I know that it is good that he is motivated to earn our praise, even if it is bad to cheat and manipulate to get it. Sigh.
In second grade they're still doing the 'color' conduct charts. Jacob's is in the back sleeve of his homework folder. The teacher trusts them to color their circle in on the calendar themselves. You see where I'm going with this, right?
So, everyday after school the kids immediately tell me "Purple!". With Tabby I was 100% she was towing the line and giving her all to please her teacher.
With Jacob we kept being impressed and proud that he was doing so well in class, a testament to his ADHD medicine and motivation to please his teacher.
So, yesterday I have a note scrawled along the top of the conduct calendar informing me that 'Jacob has been giving himself 'purple' when he has not been getting it. The colors he has gotten were not bad". She had handwritten over his calendar the correct colors which were not BAD, in fact 'blue' and 'green' are perfectly acceptable. But the little angel had decided (months ago) to just give himself the highest color code.. and then proceeded to seek out praise by mentioning it when I picked him up everyday.
I'm torn on this one, because I know that it is good that he is motivated to earn our praise, even if it is bad to cheat and manipulate to get it. Sigh.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
2 Down
Jacob has been so excited that his second lower tooth was coming loose. He was always wanting us to look at it. But when it came time to eat, he just wasn't eating his food. It hurt him and he was scared to eat anything he couldn't bite off using his 'side' teeth. So, finally last night after chowing on pancakes at IHOP he relented and let Matthew pull it. It was so ready to come out I think the experience was a little icky for both of them, but, being boys they 'took care of it'. He looks super cute with no bottom front teeth, and I will post pics later today.
He is a huge night-sweater. He can literally go to sleep in the pullups only and still wake up in a Jacob-sized wet spot on his sheets and pillow. ick.I steamed his mattress and Matthew washed his sheets and pillows, so he got to sleep in Tabby's room last night.
Not having the best results from the primary sleeping medicine, I chose last night to try the secondary. I took one primary and one secondary at the same time. I slept so good I don't think I woke up once. In fact, I'm sure of it because of what we found this morning...
Our dear, sweet, lovable, and quite crazy dog has been giving us a fit over being in her crate. We blame Christmas break for ruining her routine. We bought a pretty pricey no-bark system that didn't work, and I just refuse to put a shock collar on a dog for barking. So, we've been letting her 'bark it out' at night before we can go to sleep.
Last night we heard a loud crash, but we both commented how she must have knocked down the empty garbage can that was on top of her crate.
This morning I'm woke up by Aggie jumping on the bed and laying her huge self against me. Matthew said he woke up and opened the door to go change over the laundry and there she was, laying on the couch. The sound we heard was the entire back wall of her jumbo metal crate falling off. and that was right as we were going to sleep! She spent all night out. And no messes, just a devoured cat food bowl and a pencil and McDonald's toy chewed on from Jacob's room.
Matthew fixed her crate this morning and she protested, again. She is over a year old now and I think she is trying to show us how big she is.. and 'how fair is it that the cats get to roam around all day and night?' LOL
;/
He is a huge night-sweater. He can literally go to sleep in the pullups only and still wake up in a Jacob-sized wet spot on his sheets and pillow. ick.I steamed his mattress and Matthew washed his sheets and pillows, so he got to sleep in Tabby's room last night.
Not having the best results from the primary sleeping medicine, I chose last night to try the secondary. I took one primary and one secondary at the same time. I slept so good I don't think I woke up once. In fact, I'm sure of it because of what we found this morning...
Our dear, sweet, lovable, and quite crazy dog has been giving us a fit over being in her crate. We blame Christmas break for ruining her routine. We bought a pretty pricey no-bark system that didn't work, and I just refuse to put a shock collar on a dog for barking. So, we've been letting her 'bark it out' at night before we can go to sleep.
Last night we heard a loud crash, but we both commented how she must have knocked down the empty garbage can that was on top of her crate.
This morning I'm woke up by Aggie jumping on the bed and laying her huge self against me. Matthew said he woke up and opened the door to go change over the laundry and there she was, laying on the couch. The sound we heard was the entire back wall of her jumbo metal crate falling off. and that was right as we were going to sleep! She spent all night out. And no messes, just a devoured cat food bowl and a pencil and McDonald's toy chewed on from Jacob's room.
Matthew fixed her crate this morning and she protested, again. She is over a year old now and I think she is trying to show us how big she is.. and 'how fair is it that the cats get to roam around all day and night?' LOL
;/
Sunday, January 23, 2011
High Hopes, and Failings
This weekend was salvageable. We were a little worried about how much family time we would have since I was working Saturday and Matthew was working on Sunday.
I ended up forgetting my medicine, and having forgotten it the previous day also, decided to leave work and run home for it.
Once I arrived home, the kids were up and excited to see me. I decided to give up the overtime and grab everyone up, throw them in the van, and set off to Atlanta. We went to IKEA, and in true family tradition, drove around for an hour trying to find a place to eat we could agree on.
On the drive home we stopped into Cracker Barrel for dinner. While there we had episode #456 of Jacob not waiting to get to the toilet for his #2. It was awful, traumatic, and I should have expected it.
He was doing so well there for a few weeks we had taken him off the pull-ups and had bought all new undies for him. But unfortunately just when we had the hopes it was behind us...
So, now he is back on the pull-ups. Come to find out it wasn't his first accident in the last few days, which is a whole other rant. Anyway, it was just a big disappointment. So, according to our book, we had him get his soiled undies and handwash them. I think he disliked that enough.
So, on Sunday we travelled up the mountain and took Matthew some lunch at work. It was nice.
We went to the Mexican place for dinner. It was nice and deserted, and they had a big flatscreen on the wall with a movie on it. At the end of our dinner the movie we were semi-watching went off and this movie came on.
Woah. The deserted restaurant meant we could hear the TV from across the room, and the captioning meant we could read along. Turned out this movie had about 20+ "F" words in the first ten minutes. Ick.
We were eager to get our check and get out the door!
Normal Sunday evening with Jacob having a meltdown and going to sleep crying. His behavior was consistently bad this weekend, but we also were sensitive to the fact that his anti-depressant is probably in full force by now.
He was crying so bad tonight, it was really heartbreaking. I went in to hug him and talk to him and he said how he was going to change his behavior and I was pleased with him taking the initiative to say that without any prompting. That was a big deal. Just having him say that was a breakthrough.
So, we all went to bed. Even me, who never goes to sleep when everyone else does. Twenty minutes later I was back up with a backache and decided to get up and walk around.
Jacob had his light on and was playing in his floor. Literally 20 minutes after him promising to try harder to behave better. ugh. Par for the course, I'm afraid. When I opened the door he just looked at me, surprised. No remorse, no trying to reason with me, no anything... so apparently the breakthrough we had managed to backfire somehow. It is so frustrating!
I ended up forgetting my medicine, and having forgotten it the previous day also, decided to leave work and run home for it.
Once I arrived home, the kids were up and excited to see me. I decided to give up the overtime and grab everyone up, throw them in the van, and set off to Atlanta. We went to IKEA, and in true family tradition, drove around for an hour trying to find a place to eat we could agree on.
On the drive home we stopped into Cracker Barrel for dinner. While there we had episode #456 of Jacob not waiting to get to the toilet for his #2. It was awful, traumatic, and I should have expected it.
He was doing so well there for a few weeks we had taken him off the pull-ups and had bought all new undies for him. But unfortunately just when we had the hopes it was behind us...
So, now he is back on the pull-ups. Come to find out it wasn't his first accident in the last few days, which is a whole other rant. Anyway, it was just a big disappointment. So, according to our book, we had him get his soiled undies and handwash them. I think he disliked that enough.
So, on Sunday we travelled up the mountain and took Matthew some lunch at work. It was nice.
We went to the Mexican place for dinner. It was nice and deserted, and they had a big flatscreen on the wall with a movie on it. At the end of our dinner the movie we were semi-watching went off and this movie came on.
Woah. The deserted restaurant meant we could hear the TV from across the room, and the captioning meant we could read along. Turned out this movie had about 20+ "F" words in the first ten minutes. Ick.
We were eager to get our check and get out the door!
Normal Sunday evening with Jacob having a meltdown and going to sleep crying. His behavior was consistently bad this weekend, but we also were sensitive to the fact that his anti-depressant is probably in full force by now.
He was crying so bad tonight, it was really heartbreaking. I went in to hug him and talk to him and he said how he was going to change his behavior and I was pleased with him taking the initiative to say that without any prompting. That was a big deal. Just having him say that was a breakthrough.
So, we all went to bed. Even me, who never goes to sleep when everyone else does. Twenty minutes later I was back up with a backache and decided to get up and walk around.
Jacob had his light on and was playing in his floor. Literally 20 minutes after him promising to try harder to behave better. ugh. Par for the course, I'm afraid. When I opened the door he just looked at me, surprised. No remorse, no trying to reason with me, no anything... so apparently the breakthrough we had managed to backfire somehow. It is so frustrating!
Friday, January 21, 2011
9 volts of embarrassment
What is this? A $7.99 9 volt bought last night to accompany the No-Bark System.
Upon getting back to the car Matthew laughs hysterically and we go across the parking lot to Lowe's where I bought 8 9v batteries for $11.
Took the overpriced one back.
I didn't know a 9v is a 9v.. and I'm guessing that's what this particular company is banking on.
It's alright though, I was using a giftcard I was given BY SAME COMPANY because I tested their outdoor bark unit... funny!
Total embarrassment!
=/
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Surveys on the Brain
Had the opportunity to touch base with the surveying company. It has been two weeks (tomorrow) since we had the hoopla go down and the cops called out.
So this is what I know.
Our neighborhood was originally deeded in the 1910's. Then they widened the road that makes a 'T' on ours in the 1950's.
So, some properties were marked from the 1950's and didn't take into account the widened road, and were wrong.
Basically, the neighbors fell into that category and their markers are wrong. Funnily enough, the surveyor asked if they had added on to their house. About 2 years ago a tree fell on top of their house and they did add on during the reconstruction, and ended up angling themselves even closer to us!
He also said the woman got entirely hateful with him when she called to dispute, and he told her they should have shown his guys their markers when they were there the first time!
Ugh. we will have it resolved in a few days.
So this is what I know.
Our neighborhood was originally deeded in the 1910's. Then they widened the road that makes a 'T' on ours in the 1950's.
So, some properties were marked from the 1950's and didn't take into account the widened road, and were wrong.
Basically, the neighbors fell into that category and their markers are wrong. Funnily enough, the surveyor asked if they had added on to their house. About 2 years ago a tree fell on top of their house and they did add on during the reconstruction, and ended up angling themselves even closer to us!
He also said the woman got entirely hateful with him when she called to dispute, and he told her they should have shown his guys their markers when they were there the first time!
Ugh. we will have it resolved in a few days.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
For the Love of Other Drugs
I tried my new nighttime prescription last night. I waited to get tired, and when I did feel like I could lay down without hurting enough to keep me awake.. the dog began whining and barking. It was unusual.
Normally Aggie and I maintain an evening routine where everyone else goes to bed and we lay on the couch and watch TV, blog, or play Scrabble on the Ipod. She is my buddy, laying next to me, relaxing, and passing gas, haha.
So last night was normal. Everyone went to bed, I stayed up with the dog waiting on the pills to hit me. When it was time to put her in her crate she went willingly.
I'm not sure what happened from that point. I was in bed 20 minuted fighting off sleep because she kept yelping. Finally I got up, put her harness on her and let her out on the chain in the front yard. She came back asking to get in, and I went to bed again. Didn't help the situation.
She continued to whimper and whine/bark for another 20 minutes. By that time it was WAY past the time where I could take the secondary sleep prescription, so I did my best to go to sleep when she finally stopped.
I cannot wait until we get that fence. I am too afraid to take her out on my own right now, and she just doesn't get wore out from chasing her squeak toy in the house.
Normally Aggie and I maintain an evening routine where everyone else goes to bed and we lay on the couch and watch TV, blog, or play Scrabble on the Ipod. She is my buddy, laying next to me, relaxing, and passing gas, haha.
So last night was normal. Everyone went to bed, I stayed up with the dog waiting on the pills to hit me. When it was time to put her in her crate she went willingly.
I'm not sure what happened from that point. I was in bed 20 minuted fighting off sleep because she kept yelping. Finally I got up, put her harness on her and let her out on the chain in the front yard. She came back asking to get in, and I went to bed again. Didn't help the situation.
She continued to whimper and whine/bark for another 20 minutes. By that time it was WAY past the time where I could take the secondary sleep prescription, so I did my best to go to sleep when she finally stopped.
I cannot wait until we get that fence. I am too afraid to take her out on my own right now, and she just doesn't get wore out from chasing her squeak toy in the house.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
My Way
After this morning's madness of getting back into the routine of school I was happy to go to work, believe it or not.
Unfortunately I had a 7 hour meeting and forgot to call my Mom and congratulate her on her 38th wedding anniversary. Ugh.
After getting off work I had Matthew and the kids meet me at my favorite spot, Firehouse Subs. I only get to eat there maybe twice a year, but I do love it!
Tooth Fairy teaches humility
Yesterday was a trip! I was at work when my sister calls to ask me where the fire extinguisher was... she had put the pizza in the oven on a plastic cutting board instead of a silicone baking sheet. Hilarity ensued.
My visit with the neuropsychiatrist went well. I have 2 new prescriptions as well as upping my dosage on another. I am optimistic that we will find something that works to allow me to relieve the tension I carry around and prevents me from sleeping at night.
So, while with their aunt Stefanie, Jacob lost his FIRST TOOTH while eating a McDonald's hamburger! A very BIG DEAL.
He has known for a few days that it would be coming out, and had made numerous statements that the Tooth Fairy would bring him anywhere from $40-$60 bucks. Yeah, that's Jacob.. with his super-high expectations. We kept telling him how the Tooth Fairy doesn't give that much, but I'm sure he discounted us altogether.
So, when I put $2 in his pillowcase I wasn't being extravagant, nor was I giving a few quarters, which i imagine would be a fair payment for a tooth.
He wakes up this morning and complains that the Tooth Fairy did NOT take his tooth. I told him they wanted us to keep it, because it was important, but to check his pillowcase.
He exclaimed, " I only got $2!"
Sigh.
He was super upset, so guess what.. he had to give his Dad the money and he ended up with ... $0. It upsets me because this is the child who lights up over finding a penny in the house, or getting a quarter for the gumball machine. Suddenly an ingrate. ;-[
Monday, January 17, 2011
MLK Day.. at work
Ah, the sweet smell of overtime.
Sunday I caught up on much needed rest. Matthew took us out to lunch to Texas Roadhouse, then to a little shopping for sunglasses.
Although I love getting out with my family, I was happy to be back home. I was just exhausted.
My parents and nephew came up and spent some really good quality time with the kiddos and I watched the Golden Globes.
We let Jacob sleep on Tabitha's bunk bed thinking my nephew and sister would be staying overnight, but they ended up going home for the night.
Everyone seemed to like my butter-pecan-applesauce-molasses cake. I'm grateful, because most things I try do pretty badly.
Saturday night when I was playing in Jacob's room we found a juicebox hidden under his bed. Last night I found an apple.
It is times like this I have to remind myself that he has only had one real session with the new Dr. and I can't expect overnight (pun intended) results. It is just beyond my comprehension that as smart as he is, he doesn't change the behaviors that he gets into trouble from.
Which is why I am still picking up the book and getting reassurances that it: 1.) Could be A LOT worse, and 2.) Isn't the end of the world.
I also had thought the 'nighttime' pills were going to keep him asleep, only to find out the second night he took them he woke my sister up numerous times asking for food. My guess is he had attempted to steal food from the kitchen but thought twice to wake her up since she was on the couch sleeping near the kitchen doorway.
Then when I asked him Saturday how he had slept, he said he slept the entire night. Ugh.
It used to be the 'no response and no remorse' attitude from him that made me angry, now I sort of get that.. but now I'm having a hard time with the 'I know you'll find out but still do it' mentality.
We feel like we are having to deal with the same rules getting broken each day.
And then there's Tabitha, the charmer. She see's his negative attention and immediately turns on her 'baby talk' and 'I love you's and 'didn't I do good's. So, while her behavior is obviously manipulative of the situation and completely irritating.. the only real thing we can correct is the baby-talking. If she is talking and I say, 'stop the baby talk' then she will go back to sounding like a 6 year old. It is really wild.
So, with both kids on the bunkbed, I put the baby gate up right outside the closed door, hoping to stop Jacob getting up and roaming the house for food and electronics to play around with. He did have to ask one time around 2 a.m. to go to the bathroom, and I lifted him over the gate and back over afterwards. Silly, right? But I am confident that he was so surprised by the gate being there that he didn't venture climbing over it to go on his midnight scavenger hunt.
So, today is MLK day, my sister has my kiddos, and I have a 3:00 with my own psychiatriast. Having first visit nervousness, but I feel like I need help with my own things going on, in addition to being able to be a better parent to RAD kids.
Sunday I caught up on much needed rest. Matthew took us out to lunch to Texas Roadhouse, then to a little shopping for sunglasses.
Although I love getting out with my family, I was happy to be back home. I was just exhausted.
My parents and nephew came up and spent some really good quality time with the kiddos and I watched the Golden Globes.
We let Jacob sleep on Tabitha's bunk bed thinking my nephew and sister would be staying overnight, but they ended up going home for the night.
Everyone seemed to like my butter-pecan-applesauce-molasses cake. I'm grateful, because most things I try do pretty badly.
Saturday night when I was playing in Jacob's room we found a juicebox hidden under his bed. Last night I found an apple.
It is times like this I have to remind myself that he has only had one real session with the new Dr. and I can't expect overnight (pun intended) results. It is just beyond my comprehension that as smart as he is, he doesn't change the behaviors that he gets into trouble from.
Which is why I am still picking up the book and getting reassurances that it: 1.) Could be A LOT worse, and 2.) Isn't the end of the world.
I also had thought the 'nighttime' pills were going to keep him asleep, only to find out the second night he took them he woke my sister up numerous times asking for food. My guess is he had attempted to steal food from the kitchen but thought twice to wake her up since she was on the couch sleeping near the kitchen doorway.
Then when I asked him Saturday how he had slept, he said he slept the entire night. Ugh.
It used to be the 'no response and no remorse' attitude from him that made me angry, now I sort of get that.. but now I'm having a hard time with the 'I know you'll find out but still do it' mentality.
We feel like we are having to deal with the same rules getting broken each day.
And then there's Tabitha, the charmer. She see's his negative attention and immediately turns on her 'baby talk' and 'I love you's and 'didn't I do good's. So, while her behavior is obviously manipulative of the situation and completely irritating.. the only real thing we can correct is the baby-talking. If she is talking and I say, 'stop the baby talk' then she will go back to sounding like a 6 year old. It is really wild.
So, with both kids on the bunkbed, I put the baby gate up right outside the closed door, hoping to stop Jacob getting up and roaming the house for food and electronics to play around with. He did have to ask one time around 2 a.m. to go to the bathroom, and I lifted him over the gate and back over afterwards. Silly, right? But I am confident that he was so surprised by the gate being there that he didn't venture climbing over it to go on his midnight scavenger hunt.
So, today is MLK day, my sister has my kiddos, and I have a 3:00 with my own psychiatriast. Having first visit nervousness, but I feel like I need help with my own things going on, in addition to being able to be a better parent to RAD kids.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Saturday at WORK?!
Thank goodness for some things; answered prayers, and overtime offered when you've missed the entire regular workweek!
So, I gladly got myself up and ready and for once in the week got to leave the house by myself! I met my coworker (the one who was cussed out by my next door neighbors) at Waffle House, and we got caught up on the drama of my fence-saga.
Work was good, I had time to clean out my desk and purge files and get rid of things in order to start 2011 off right.
I brought tacos home for dinner tonight and the kids were thrilled. They had a great time with their Dad today, getting to go outside and make a mini snowman and throw snowballs.
I was happy today when I was cleaning out my desk and found the post-it my coworker had left on my computer monitor last March. It was the message to call the person at DFCS who then told me we were 'go' for adoption. I kept it because I had jotted down a few things on it while I was talking to her.. and I loved finding it today. It was a good day to remember something so huge that happened to our family.
So, I gladly got myself up and ready and for once in the week got to leave the house by myself! I met my coworker (the one who was cussed out by my next door neighbors) at Waffle House, and we got caught up on the drama of my fence-saga.
Work was good, I had time to clean out my desk and purge files and get rid of things in order to start 2011 off right.
I brought tacos home for dinner tonight and the kids were thrilled. They had a great time with their Dad today, getting to go outside and make a mini snowman and throw snowballs.
I was happy today when I was cleaning out my desk and found the post-it my coworker had left on my computer monitor last March. It was the message to call the person at DFCS who then told me we were 'go' for adoption. I kept it because I had jotted down a few things on it while I was talking to her.. and I loved finding it today. It was a good day to remember something so huge that happened to our family.
Friday, January 14, 2011
RAD book
I cannot tell you how valuable this book has been in shaping our new parenting approach to not only Jacob, but Tabitha as well. Everytime I re-read a section I have more understanding. It is a great tool for us RAD-kid parents.
nancythomasparenting.com
Friday
Day 5 of our workweek / schoolweek spent inside. In each other's company we are trying our best to not get on each other's nerves. The rules are still there, but we are in a lighter mood. :-P
For lunch I made peanut butter, grape jelly, and honeynut cheerios sandwiches. What a hit!
We watched Despicable Me and now they are both doing separate things. Tabby is enjoying Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Jacob is in his room 'practicing' Sorry Sliders.
We all four sat on the living room floor and played Sorry Sliders last night. It is a really fun game, and Jacob is the family cheater. Haha. Each family needs one super competitive, out-for-blood type of gamer.. and he is ours.
Today he began his new dosage of his ADHD medicine as well as the antidepressant. He took two pills at once and exclaimed at how awesome he was! Pretty impressive I must say, since he is kind of tiny. Poor Matthew is 31 and can't manage a tylenol. :-}
what I'm really ready to see about is the sleepy-time medicine. When they moved in with us he was on this prescription, one a night. Now the Dr. is asking we give him 1/2 at 'after school' time, then 1 & 1/2 30 minutes before bedtime. If I can get him well rested his nighttime misbehavior will go away. Cross your fingers!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
A New Hope
Went to the new doctors for Jacob today. The first appointment was for the medical doctor. We discussed his issues and she prescribed an anti-depressant, a sleep aid, and beefed up his adhd meds. Tomorrow we will begin the new medicine routine.
I was so proud of Jacob. He spoke up and answered all of the doctors questions, even the tough ones, and only had to look over to me twice. He told her how he was having problems with stealing and sneaking, and not sleeping, and going to the potty on himself.They had a good discussion and I only had to answer a few questions about his medicine from the last 2 years.
Then we met Matthew for dinner at Arby's then onto the health center again for his psychiatrist appointment. It was short, he talked to Jacob about rules. They also had a good discussion with only minimal input from me about the past week. Jacob really seemed to respond.
I am having hope that this might be the right choice for us. Although the health center is kind of scary. We were sitting in the waiting room and one man came in all wobbly legged and said he couldn't find his jacket. There were about five people in the waiting room and one lady pointed to a jacket on an empty chair and he walked over to it and declared that "he wasn't sure if it was his or not". yeah. community health clinics can be harrowing.
;-]
I was so proud of Jacob. He spoke up and answered all of the doctors questions, even the tough ones, and only had to look over to me twice. He told her how he was having problems with stealing and sneaking, and not sleeping, and going to the potty on himself.They had a good discussion and I only had to answer a few questions about his medicine from the last 2 years.
Then we met Matthew for dinner at Arby's then onto the health center again for his psychiatrist appointment. It was short, he talked to Jacob about rules. They also had a good discussion with only minimal input from me about the past week. Jacob really seemed to respond.
I am having hope that this might be the right choice for us. Although the health center is kind of scary. We were sitting in the waiting room and one man came in all wobbly legged and said he couldn't find his jacket. There were about five people in the waiting room and one lady pointed to a jacket on an empty chair and he walked over to it and declared that "he wasn't sure if it was his or not". yeah. community health clinics can be harrowing.
;-]
Thursday
Made lunch, gave the kids bubble baths which was a BIG DEAL for them..and just getting ready to tackle the floors :+]
.. and day 4
Thursday and Friday were called yesterday afternoon, so day 4 home again. At this rate it will definitely be Tuesday before I see my coworkers. At this point, it's almost depressing.
Don't get me wrong, all the quality time with the kids is awesome, but there is just a melancholy that comes from the same old routine. Last night the kids actually went to bed at separate bedtimes, which was fun. Jacob got tired out around 10 and then Tabby and I stayed up watching Storage Wars. I held her in my arms and combed her hair with my fingers and just stared down at the most precious girl I know. I love those tender moments. Unfortunately I have more of those tender moments when I only have one child with me, since they are so competitive with attention and affection.
This afternoon we have Jacob's appointments with his new psychiatrist and his new M.D. I am so ready to get going on a therapy treatment plan. I feel like we've been through the ringer. :-]
I'm hoping since the courthouse is finally open today that the surveyors will get what they need to get done and be able to finalize their lines. The legal letter that needs to be sent is really important. I just don't want to have anymore verbal communications with them.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Time for the treadmill to come out again
diet started in earnest today. Last year I lost nearly 40 pounds and now I've gained most of it back from being lax with the food. So, today I am starting a no junkfood diet. Minimal soda (diet) and more water.
Nothing like being in loungewear / pajamas for three days straight to make you feel lumpy and fat.
Matthew went in to work at 5, but was home at 2, so we are happy for that. He is wanting to go to the mall, and I don't blame him. Even though he's gotten to go to work, I feel like I need to walk! I was on the recumbent bike several times today, but it isn't walking. Small houses do feel claustrophobic after a few days, and it looks like I wont get to go back to work until Tuesday since Monday is a holiday.
So, Matthew's promised to pull down the treadmill we had standing up to make room for the Christmas tree. Since I've been staying up until 1 or 2 in the morning I can imagine myself walking late tonight and tomorrow... have to have something to do for myself. Building forts with the kiddos, reading books, fixing meals, playing outside, letting the dog in and out.. I need some me time :-) !
Nothing like being in loungewear / pajamas for three days straight to make you feel lumpy and fat.
Matthew went in to work at 5, but was home at 2, so we are happy for that. He is wanting to go to the mall, and I don't blame him. Even though he's gotten to go to work, I feel like I need to walk! I was on the recumbent bike several times today, but it isn't walking. Small houses do feel claustrophobic after a few days, and it looks like I wont get to go back to work until Tuesday since Monday is a holiday.
So, Matthew's promised to pull down the treadmill we had standing up to make room for the Christmas tree. Since I've been staying up until 1 or 2 in the morning I can imagine myself walking late tonight and tomorrow... have to have something to do for myself. Building forts with the kiddos, reading books, fixing meals, playing outside, letting the dog in and out.. I need some me time :-) !
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